5am came quickly last Wednesday. I can't remember the last time I had to get up so early, for anything.
I sat in the terminal waiting to board an airplane to Memphis, the first stop on my journey to North Carolina to meet E. I had an appointment at Duke Fertility to make sure that I qualified to continue on with this process.
Before going I told some of my (famous) mom friends that I wasn't nervous. I realized as I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, that I was extremely nervous. I think I was just anxious to get this part of the process over and done with. It's the initial meet that freaks me out. What if E doesn't like me? What if my weight (which I'm still struggling with) is an issue? What if there is something else wrong with me that I don't know about? So many "what if's".
I found myself questioning the strength that I have to go through this all again. Do I want to put my body through all of this again? Can I really handle it? Will I regret it? Is it worth it?
Having a child is already a difficult decision. Having a child (or two) for someone else makes the decision that much harder.
In the end I decided that I could only be myself and hope that E would like me. I wished for everything to go well during our appointment and I felt confident in my decision to help C and E out.
I waited outside of the baggage claim for E to come and pick me up. I didn't mind the wait. It was a tad cold but I started reading this book, Secret Holocaust Diaries, and I couldn't put the book down. It didn't take very long for her to show up anyway. When she pulled up to the curb I felt nothing short of joy and excitement. It was really nice to see her in person.
She took me to lunch before our appointment at this really yummy Italian place. The pizzas that we ordered were extremely large for single servings and the salad dressing was so freaking good! It was really nice having a while to chat before we had to go to the clinic. I learned more about E's "condition" and reasons for needing a surrogate. I guess the easiest way to explain it is to say she has something similar to Lupus. She is really blessed to have her son and so lucky that they both came out of delivery okay. Sadly, it isn't something she can risk again.
The appointment went okay. The doctor and his staff were really nice. The saline transfer wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as the HSG I underwent before the twins. It was really pretty cool to watch how it worked.
After the procedure we met in a room and discussed the results, my health, and the transfer procedure. First things first. I have polyps. Two of them. They have be removed before the transfer can take place. Next, they "normally" wait 15 months between pregnancies which would move the transfer to May/June time frame. In the end he decided that I was an ideal candidate for a gestational surrogate and that we would double check on everything else and get back to us.
I left there with a bunch of information, no dates, some antibiotics, and orders to have my latest pap smear results sent to his clinic.
I talked to E and the Duke nurse yesterday. Dr. S has a "friend" here at Texas Fertility that he has discussed the polyps with. I have an appointment with this doctor on November 5th and should have the surgery pretty quickly.
One week after the surgery I can start the patches and other medicines required before transfer and we can go ahead with the transfer in December, we don't have to wait!
It's all coming together!
The next step right now is doing a couple of surveys online for Duke Fertility and to start taking prenatal pills along with some extra Folic Acid. Exciting!
I'm very happy that things are working out and that we weren't forced to wait until next year. The plus side? I get a couple of months to drop a little more weight!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
B Introduces Me To E...
On July 1st I got an text from B...
The next day I got a phone call from E. She was... amazing!! I felt that same instant connection with her that I felt the first time I talked to B on the phone.
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"Hey didn't know if you matched but I have a good friend looking for a gestational carrier. Wonderful couple."
The next day I got a phone call from E. She was... amazing!! I felt that same instant connection with her that I felt the first time I talked to B on the phone.
A few weeks later we set up a Skype chat so I could officially "meet" E and her husband, "C'. What a cute couple! They were so easy to talk to and both so sweet. We had a great conversation and in the end we all agreed that we wanted to move forward.
It took me until the first week in August to get all of my medical records together and mailed to the fertility clinic in North Carolina. It took the fertility clinic another couple of weeks to review all of the records and "okay" everything.
Once that was done we set up a psych consult with Dr P-D, the same doctor we saw when we worked with B and C. We got in with her the first week of September and got her okay to keep going with the process.
B was nice enough to let E use the same agreement we used which made things a lot easier. We even ended up using the same lawyers.
I had my phone consult with my lawyer today and there were only a few minor changes that need to be made before the contract can be finalized. Hopefully it's all done in the next couple of days. Once all the parties have signed we can schedule transfer 14 days later!
B was nice enough to let E use the same agreement we used which made things a lot easier. We even ended up using the same lawyers.
I had my phone consult with my lawyer today and there were only a few minor changes that need to be made before the contract can be finalized. Hopefully it's all done in the next couple of days. Once all the parties have signed we can schedule transfer 14 days later!
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I made an appointment with Liane at Nurture last week for my yearly check up and to get started on birth control. Today is my first day taking my pill. It's pretty exciting stuff. The first "real" step in all of this becoming a reality.
The next big step has me traveling to North Carolina for my physical evaluation and a sonohysterogram; That is where they pass a thin catheter through my cervix into the uterine cavity. They slowly inject saline into the cavity while a 3-D ultrasound of the uterus is performed. It's really similar to the HSG I had when I went through this with B but supposedly less painful.
I'm actually really excited to meet E in person!! I have high hopes that the evaluation and saline transfer go well and that we will be able to attempt transfer in November. I'm so thrilled to be able to do this again and look forward to sharing my new journey with all of you!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Intended Parents...
When I decided to become a surrogate I reached out to a few companies to help get me started. I ended up listing my profile with a company called Fertility Bridges. This is where I originally met B and C. We did not end up using Fertility Bridges for anything more than matching us and setting up the first consultation.
Once a surrogate enters into an agreement with intended parents the profiles go into a "holding" pattern. Statuses are updated to show that the surrogate is cycling and it lists when she will be available to cycle again. You are required to wait 6 months after giving birth to start another journey. My profile read that I would be available in August/September of 2012.
After the girls were born I was sure that I would be a surrogate again. I immediately let Fertility Bridges know and it wasn't long before I started getting emails from the IP/Surrogate coordinator.
The first email was for the German couple I mentioned in my previous post. I had a really great phone consultation with them and decided to see if I could help them out. Before we could move forward I had to have a HLA and DQ test. Basically if I matched the husband I wouldn't be able to help them... and I was a match.
The second email was for the couple also mentioned in my previous post. I never heard back about the crazy doctor. I asked the coordinator and she told me they never matched with anyone. Imagine that.
The next email was for a couple in New York. They wanted to transfer their frozen embryos down here to make things easier but the costs of that combined with my surrogate fee wasn't feasible for them.
After that I spoke with a couple in Florida. I really thought things would work out with them but the clinic said no when they found out I had given birth to 7 kids. 4 or less was all they allowed.
The last one was a couple looking for someone with a specific blood type. Unfortunately my type is the exact one they were trying to avoid.
During all of the conversations back and forth with the coordinator I started thinking... what are the chances that she is trying to do what is best for me? It's like having one lawyer represent both sides. After a few discussions I got the feeling that she wasn't "selling" me but instead pushing IP's away from me. I'm sure it has to do with my base fee in comparison to other surrogates listed in their database. I'll admit that my fee is a bit more than some of the other surrogates but most of them are "new" and, like me when I started, don't know where to begin. I have the experience and I think that alone is worth a lot.
After talking with B a few times and hearing her side of things with Fertility Bridges I decided it was probably best to move on. I only intend to be a surrogate one or two more times and I think that I can accomplish that without the help of Fertility Bridges.
Once a surrogate enters into an agreement with intended parents the profiles go into a "holding" pattern. Statuses are updated to show that the surrogate is cycling and it lists when she will be available to cycle again. You are required to wait 6 months after giving birth to start another journey. My profile read that I would be available in August/September of 2012.
After the girls were born I was sure that I would be a surrogate again. I immediately let Fertility Bridges know and it wasn't long before I started getting emails from the IP/Surrogate coordinator.
The first email was for the German couple I mentioned in my previous post. I had a really great phone consultation with them and decided to see if I could help them out. Before we could move forward I had to have a HLA and DQ test. Basically if I matched the husband I wouldn't be able to help them... and I was a match.
The second email was for the couple also mentioned in my previous post. I never heard back about the crazy doctor. I asked the coordinator and she told me they never matched with anyone. Imagine that.
The next email was for a couple in New York. They wanted to transfer their frozen embryos down here to make things easier but the costs of that combined with my surrogate fee wasn't feasible for them.
After that I spoke with a couple in Florida. I really thought things would work out with them but the clinic said no when they found out I had given birth to 7 kids. 4 or less was all they allowed.
The last one was a couple looking for someone with a specific blood type. Unfortunately my type is the exact one they were trying to avoid.
During all of the conversations back and forth with the coordinator I started thinking... what are the chances that she is trying to do what is best for me? It's like having one lawyer represent both sides. After a few discussions I got the feeling that she wasn't "selling" me but instead pushing IP's away from me. I'm sure it has to do with my base fee in comparison to other surrogates listed in their database. I'll admit that my fee is a bit more than some of the other surrogates but most of them are "new" and, like me when I started, don't know where to begin. I have the experience and I think that alone is worth a lot.
After talking with B a few times and hearing her side of things with Fertility Bridges I decided it was probably best to move on. I only intend to be a surrogate one or two more times and I think that I can accomplish that without the help of Fertility Bridges.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Interested?
I got an email this weekend about another set of parents that are looking for a surrogate. This is what it said...
I think I was in shock as I read the requirements...
Under 35, √ (until November)
Caucasian, √
Married with a crap load of kids, in a semi stable environment, √
Willing to have a c-section √ (only if medically necessary)
Amniocentesis, √ (If you really want one)
No tattoos or body piercings, √
No breast augmentations, √
Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug screening, √ (wow)
Willing to undergo random drug testing, √ (Whoa... who are these people?)
Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection, √ (hope you don't mind the crap load of kids and messy house)
Willing to eat mostly organic foods, √ (yum)
No indoor cats, - indoor and outdoor cat but I don't change the litter (got to love kids and chores!)
No history of depression, √
Surrogacy friendly states, √ (as long as you aren't a gay couple, Texas doesn't support them)
Willing to travel for transfer, √
August or November pregnancy, √ (who are these people again?)
4 frozen embryos, no way in hell they are putting all 4 in at once! Quadmom?
Experienced, √
I added to the list that I would only use my doctor.
I'm not sure what to expect from this couple and it kind of scares me to imagine working with a couple with a list like this... but I'm open to trying anything once.
I also got an email about the Germany couple. They wanted to make sure I would be willing to transfer two embryos, not just one. I agreed but only if they intend to keep both babies if they both took. I don't think I could do selective reduction.
I'm excited to have the opportunity to do this again but at the same time I'm really nervous. I only hope that whatever happens, whoever picks me... that they will be half as wonderful as B and C were to me.
Guess we will just wait and see what happens!
Kelcie,
I have another set of Intended Parents that are looking for a surrogate that is willing to meet the requirements below. Can you take a look and see if you want me to send them your profile?
Obviously no drug history, alcohol, prescription meds or smoking
-Under 35 yo
-Hispanic or Caucasian
-Married with own children, stable enviroment
-Willing to have a C-section
-Amniocentesis
-No tattoos or body piercings (one or two small tattoos would be OK)
-No breast augmentations (increase in platinum levels in blood)
-Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug use screening
-Willing to undergo random drug testing while pregnant, including a urine EtH (detects alcohol 3-4 days after consumption)
-Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection
-Willing to eat mostly organic foods, at our expense, during pregnancy
-No indoor cats
-No history of depression
-Surrogacy friendly states
-No history of depression
-Surrogacy friendly states
-Willing to travel for transfer
-We would like to get pregnant in August or November
-We have 4 precious frozen embryos
-We would prefer an experienced surrogate
Under 35, √ (until November)
Caucasian, √
Married with a crap load of kids, in a semi stable environment, √
Willing to have a c-section √ (only if medically necessary)
Amniocentesis, √ (If you really want one)
No tattoos or body piercings, √
No breast augmentations, √
Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug screening, √ (wow)
Willing to undergo random drug testing, √ (Whoa... who are these people?)
Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection, √ (hope you don't mind the crap load of kids and messy house)
Willing to eat mostly organic foods, √ (yum)
No indoor cats, - indoor and outdoor cat but I don't change the litter (got to love kids and chores!)
No history of depression, √
Surrogacy friendly states, √ (as long as you aren't a gay couple, Texas doesn't support them)
Willing to travel for transfer, √
August or November pregnancy, √ (who are these people again?)
4 frozen embryos, no way in hell they are putting all 4 in at once! Quadmom?
Experienced, √
I added to the list that I would only use my doctor.
I'm not sure what to expect from this couple and it kind of scares me to imagine working with a couple with a list like this... but I'm open to trying anything once.
I also got an email about the Germany couple. They wanted to make sure I would be willing to transfer two embryos, not just one. I agreed but only if they intend to keep both babies if they both took. I don't think I could do selective reduction.
I'm excited to have the opportunity to do this again but at the same time I'm really nervous. I only hope that whatever happens, whoever picks me... that they will be half as wonderful as B and C were to me.
Guess we will just wait and see what happens!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Closed For Renovation...
I can't believe it's only been 3 months... it seems like so long ago. The girls are doing great! I get updates from B every once in a while and she says they are PERFECT! <3 I love hearing the happiness in her voice!
I'm pleased to report that I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I never thought that would happen so quickly after all the weight I gained! For a while there I was really worried that my feet and legs would remain swollen for the remainder of my life. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was when I was able to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again! Complete joy! :)
I'm working really hard right now to lose a few more pounds and build some muscle. It's my goal to improve my health and become stronger before the next Womb and Board journey!
The agency that I'm signed up with requires a waiting period of six months before cycling again. That doesn't mean that they won't attempt to match me before that date arrives, it just means that I can't go through a transfer until my six months are up.
I actually got a phone call the other day from a coordinator asking if I wanted to match again. I told her that I wouldn't mind. I sent in a medical release for my pregnancy with the girls and updated my profile. A couple of days later I got another phone call saying that they had a couple interested in meeting with me.
It was a little odd. The moment she said those words to me I recalled my first conversation with B and C. I thought to myself there is no way I'll ever meet another couple like them. There is no way anyone else will compare to them. I doubted that I could do this again but I agreed to the conference anyway.
I wasn't nervous at all when I called the 800 number to connect with the coordinator and intended parents. I came on the line, introduced myself, told them all about my family, and answered their questions.
I didn't feel the immediate connection that I felt with B and C but I did feel something as I heard them explain their situation.
They live in Germany and have been trying for years to get pregnant. They have attempted IVF and are down to their last 4 embryos. They had to use an egg donor and their doctor suggested that using a surrogate is the last option.
I think the conversation went really well. They seemed to be happy with my responses to the questions they asked and I was okay with their requests, for the most part.
I could tell toward the end of our conversation that this was a really big decision for them. The intended dad asked that we give them about 10 days to make a final decision.
So, I wait. And you know what there is no doubt in my mind... I'm okay with doing this again because I can do it again. I can help them become a family and give them something they have dreamed about for so long. I would be honored if they chose me. Guess we shall see...
I'm pleased to report that I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I never thought that would happen so quickly after all the weight I gained! For a while there I was really worried that my feet and legs would remain swollen for the remainder of my life. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was when I was able to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again! Complete joy! :)
I'm working really hard right now to lose a few more pounds and build some muscle. It's my goal to improve my health and become stronger before the next Womb and Board journey!
The agency that I'm signed up with requires a waiting period of six months before cycling again. That doesn't mean that they won't attempt to match me before that date arrives, it just means that I can't go through a transfer until my six months are up.
I actually got a phone call the other day from a coordinator asking if I wanted to match again. I told her that I wouldn't mind. I sent in a medical release for my pregnancy with the girls and updated my profile. A couple of days later I got another phone call saying that they had a couple interested in meeting with me.
It was a little odd. The moment she said those words to me I recalled my first conversation with B and C. I thought to myself there is no way I'll ever meet another couple like them. There is no way anyone else will compare to them. I doubted that I could do this again but I agreed to the conference anyway.
I wasn't nervous at all when I called the 800 number to connect with the coordinator and intended parents. I came on the line, introduced myself, told them all about my family, and answered their questions.
I didn't feel the immediate connection that I felt with B and C but I did feel something as I heard them explain their situation.
They live in Germany and have been trying for years to get pregnant. They have attempted IVF and are down to their last 4 embryos. They had to use an egg donor and their doctor suggested that using a surrogate is the last option.
I think the conversation went really well. They seemed to be happy with my responses to the questions they asked and I was okay with their requests, for the most part.
I could tell toward the end of our conversation that this was a really big decision for them. The intended dad asked that we give them about 10 days to make a final decision.
So, I wait. And you know what there is no doubt in my mind... I'm okay with doing this again because I can do it again. I can help them become a family and give them something they have dreamed about for so long. I would be honored if they chose me. Guess we shall see...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Till Next Time...
I can't believe it's been (almost) 3 months since the twins were born. Time flies!
Recovery was just about perfect. I'm a trooper and have a high tolerance for pain, but even I had to admit that I couldn't fully function for the first week or two. Of course that didn't stop me from trying! :)
The hardest part for me was waiting on the swelling to go down. I wanted to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again. I ranted about it to some of my mommy friends and was assured that it would go down along with my weight. But I really felt like it was NEVER going to happen. If it wasn't for one friend in particular, I would have just given up and stayed down in the dumps. This friend was amazing. So supportive and encouraging. And to think I met her online over three years ago and have never met her in person.... it's on my "to-do" list.
The swelling did eventually go down and I got to put my wedding ring back on! It took a little less than a month for all of the swelling to go away and for me to drop all the weight I had gained. I was truly amazed! I couldn't believe it happened so quickly. Maybe I owe it all to the Belly Bandit? If you have no idea what that is and happen to get pregnant, GET ONE! AMAZING! I never believed in anything like this product before and never used anything like it with my other pregnancies but after reading reviews I decided to give it a shot. I gained twice as much with the twins as I did with my singeltons and getting rid of that extra weight was really important to me. I used it for 6 weeks and loved the confidence it gave me!
I'm pretty sure pumping also helped with the weight loss. I ended up doing it for almost 8 weeks. It was a little strange at first, devoting 15 minutes every 2-3 hours for pumping, but it was well worth it and made me feel good to help the girls out.
Shipping milk is a little crazy. I had no idea how much work went into packing and shipping something like that. Thank goodness for FedEx!
I look back over this whole adventure all the time. How it started and all the adventures we endured. In the end I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm so happy that B and C chose me to be a part of this. There is something really amazing about helping a family grow and creating little miracles. <3
Recovery was just about perfect. I'm a trooper and have a high tolerance for pain, but even I had to admit that I couldn't fully function for the first week or two. Of course that didn't stop me from trying! :)
The hardest part for me was waiting on the swelling to go down. I wanted to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again. I ranted about it to some of my mommy friends and was assured that it would go down along with my weight. But I really felt like it was NEVER going to happen. If it wasn't for one friend in particular, I would have just given up and stayed down in the dumps. This friend was amazing. So supportive and encouraging. And to think I met her online over three years ago and have never met her in person.... it's on my "to-do" list.
The swelling did eventually go down and I got to put my wedding ring back on! It took a little less than a month for all of the swelling to go away and for me to drop all the weight I had gained. I was truly amazed! I couldn't believe it happened so quickly. Maybe I owe it all to the Belly Bandit? If you have no idea what that is and happen to get pregnant, GET ONE! AMAZING! I never believed in anything like this product before and never used anything like it with my other pregnancies but after reading reviews I decided to give it a shot. I gained twice as much with the twins as I did with my singeltons and getting rid of that extra weight was really important to me. I used it for 6 weeks and loved the confidence it gave me!
I'm pretty sure pumping also helped with the weight loss. I ended up doing it for almost 8 weeks. It was a little strange at first, devoting 15 minutes every 2-3 hours for pumping, but it was well worth it and made me feel good to help the girls out.
Shipping milk is a little crazy. I had no idea how much work went into packing and shipping something like that. Thank goodness for FedEx!
I look back over this whole adventure all the time. How it started and all the adventures we endured. In the end I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm so happy that B and C chose me to be a part of this. There is something really amazing about helping a family grow and creating little miracles. <3
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Going Home...
I remember "going home day" times five. It's that day that you have looked forward to and waited on, for what seems like forever. It is finally here but everything is moving in slow motion. You have to wait on the doctor, and the nurses. You have to wait on final tests and discharge papers. One person can't do their job until the first person completes theirs. It's the most frustrating day of hospital stays.
I felt so bad for B and C that last day. I know B was ready to get her girls home and in their own environment. They also had a really long drive in front of them. Sadly, they were subject to the "going home day" run around too. There were last minute tests that had to be ran on the girls and doctors that were being waited on to sign discharge papers. All in all in didn't take too long... but I bet it seemed like forever to B and C.
I enjoyed spending the morning with B,C, and the girls. It was so fun watching them get the girls dressed and ready to go home. I felt so much joy and excitement for all of them!
It really didn't take too long for them to get discharged. The girls were strapped into their car seats and ready to go in no time! We said our goodbyes and they were off!
I was due to be discharged the same day. I sent midwife L a text that morning making sure she didn't forget about me. I knew it would happen eventually and didn't mind the wait. After B and C left with the girls I showered and got my stuff ready. I had some time to reflect on everything that happened in the last 10 months and was amazed at how far we had come.
I spent a good 30 minutes or so talking to the discharge nurse. She asked questions about the pregnancy, my relationship with B and C, and our journey. She said we were the talk of the nurses station that they had never had a surrogate and intended parents "hang out" the way we had. I told her there was nothing "typical" about any of this for us! The whole situation was unique from the very beginning.
I was so excited to walk out those hospital doors and go home with my family.
I have been asked 100 or more times if it was hard letting the girls go. It wasn't. I know people have a hard time understanding or believing that, but really... it wasn't. I knew from the beginning that they were not mine. What was difficult for me was saying goodbye to B and C. We came along way together from that first phone conversation we had. I grew to love and care about both of them, as well as B's family. I was honored that they picked me to carry their girls and so thankful for all that they had done for me... including spending those last two days with me.
It was so hard for me to fight back the tears as I hugged them goodbye. I thought about the delivery and how amazing B was, how helpful and wonderful she had been. I thought about how I got to know C and how funny and sweet he was, and how he shared the girls with me. And, I thought about B's dad and how I loved the letters he sent with the checks he mailed to me. This family had touched my heart in more ways than one and have changed my life forever. Saying goodbye to all of them, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...
I felt so bad for B and C that last day. I know B was ready to get her girls home and in their own environment. They also had a really long drive in front of them. Sadly, they were subject to the "going home day" run around too. There were last minute tests that had to be ran on the girls and doctors that were being waited on to sign discharge papers. All in all in didn't take too long... but I bet it seemed like forever to B and C.
I enjoyed spending the morning with B,C, and the girls. It was so fun watching them get the girls dressed and ready to go home. I felt so much joy and excitement for all of them!
It really didn't take too long for them to get discharged. The girls were strapped into their car seats and ready to go in no time! We said our goodbyes and they were off!
I was due to be discharged the same day. I sent midwife L a text that morning making sure she didn't forget about me. I knew it would happen eventually and didn't mind the wait. After B and C left with the girls I showered and got my stuff ready. I had some time to reflect on everything that happened in the last 10 months and was amazed at how far we had come.
I spent a good 30 minutes or so talking to the discharge nurse. She asked questions about the pregnancy, my relationship with B and C, and our journey. She said we were the talk of the nurses station that they had never had a surrogate and intended parents "hang out" the way we had. I told her there was nothing "typical" about any of this for us! The whole situation was unique from the very beginning.
I was so excited to walk out those hospital doors and go home with my family.
I have been asked 100 or more times if it was hard letting the girls go. It wasn't. I know people have a hard time understanding or believing that, but really... it wasn't. I knew from the beginning that they were not mine. What was difficult for me was saying goodbye to B and C. We came along way together from that first phone conversation we had. I grew to love and care about both of them, as well as B's family. I was honored that they picked me to carry their girls and so thankful for all that they had done for me... including spending those last two days with me.
It was so hard for me to fight back the tears as I hugged them goodbye. I thought about the delivery and how amazing B was, how helpful and wonderful she had been. I thought about how I got to know C and how funny and sweet he was, and how he shared the girls with me. And, I thought about B's dad and how I loved the letters he sent with the checks he mailed to me. This family had touched my heart in more ways than one and have changed my life forever. Saying goodbye to all of them, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hospital Recovery
I had to spend just under one hour in the recovery room. It wasn't too bad but I was ready to get to my own room and start my real recovery. I was also ready to see B, C, and the girls. I didn't even meet Macy-Dean when she was born.
I had learned while waiting that they were not given a room either and were hanging out in the delivery room. I invited them to come and stay with me in mine.
I was given a room close to the nursery. I could tell by the sound of things outside my door that it was a busy day in labor and delivery.
The nurses gave me medication to help calm my stomach, my first dose of "every 6 hour" Motrin, and antibiotics. I felt and looked puffy from all the extra fluid and my stomach was still turning causing me to throw up... but I felt great! I didn't even mind that I still had the catheter in.
Shortly after getting settled in B, C, and the girls came in. What a sight to see! The love on their faces as they interacted with the girls and each other was the most rewarding sight I have ever seen. It made every bit of the struggles, pains, and not so perfect labor worth it. I couldn't have been more proud to be a part of something so amazing.
Casey showed up a while later. I was so happy to see him but the visit didn't last long... the medication I was given had made me drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life.
Because L&D was so busy there wasn't enough room for B and C to stay. I told them they could stay with me in the room but they insisted on getting a hotel room, so everyone could get some rest. I felt so bad with them having to leave. I can't imagine it was easy for B.
I had learned while waiting that they were not given a room either and were hanging out in the delivery room. I invited them to come and stay with me in mine.
I was given a room close to the nursery. I could tell by the sound of things outside my door that it was a busy day in labor and delivery.
The nurses gave me medication to help calm my stomach, my first dose of "every 6 hour" Motrin, and antibiotics. I felt and looked puffy from all the extra fluid and my stomach was still turning causing me to throw up... but I felt great! I didn't even mind that I still had the catheter in.
Shortly after getting settled in B, C, and the girls came in. What a sight to see! The love on their faces as they interacted with the girls and each other was the most rewarding sight I have ever seen. It made every bit of the struggles, pains, and not so perfect labor worth it. I couldn't have been more proud to be a part of something so amazing.
Casey showed up a while later. I was so happy to see him but the visit didn't last long... the medication I was given had made me drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life.
Because L&D was so busy there wasn't enough room for B and C to stay. I told them they could stay with me in the room but they insisted on getting a hotel room, so everyone could get some rest. I felt so bad with them having to leave. I can't imagine it was easy for B.
The coolest part about my recovery in the hospital was spending it with B and C and the girls instead of just being there alone. They spent a lot of time hanging out with me in my room. I got to learn more about them and discovered a different side of C that I had no idea existed. He was amazing! They let me help with the girls and I got to hold them both for long periods of time. Something I never imagined being able to do.
I really enjoyed watching them "become parents". They were both so wonderful at it! Such naturals. They were also really really funny! I wish I could put into words and recreate the first diaper changes :) and swaddles!
I tried to offer support and advice the best I could, without being a know-it-all. I even tried helping B with breastfeeding... which I might add... it isn't an easy task nursing twins!! I'm still in awe of what an amazing job she did with it!
I'm so thankful that B and C allowed me to share those two days with them and the girls. They made me feel like I was so much more than just a surrogate.
My recovery was pretty easy overall. It took a little getting used to not being able to move like normal. I was never in any real pain but it was uncomfortable trying to get up and down off of the bed. Of course having to lug around a urine collection bag made things that much more difficult. For some reason my urine was really concentrated and no matter how much I had to drink I couldn't produce enough urine for them to be okay with taking the catheter out.
I didn't take anything other than Motrin for pain. I never felt like the pain was so unbearable that I needed something stronger. I did accept some milk of magnesia the 2nd night when the bloating and gas pains were unbearable and was so happy I did. The next day I felt much better.
The only other part of recovery that was hard was the swelling. I think I expected it to get much better after delivery but instead it got worse and was so uncomfortable.
I was so excited when midwife L and Dr C showed up and confirmed I only had to stay two nights! I was also thrilled when Casey brought Joelie up to visit me. I missed her like crazy. We took her to the gift shop and she helped pick out gifts for the girls!
I really enjoyed watching them "become parents". They were both so wonderful at it! Such naturals. They were also really really funny! I wish I could put into words and recreate the first diaper changes :) and swaddles!
I tried to offer support and advice the best I could, without being a know-it-all. I even tried helping B with breastfeeding... which I might add... it isn't an easy task nursing twins!! I'm still in awe of what an amazing job she did with it!
I'm so thankful that B and C allowed me to share those two days with them and the girls. They made me feel like I was so much more than just a surrogate.
My recovery was pretty easy overall. It took a little getting used to not being able to move like normal. I was never in any real pain but it was uncomfortable trying to get up and down off of the bed. Of course having to lug around a urine collection bag made things that much more difficult. For some reason my urine was really concentrated and no matter how much I had to drink I couldn't produce enough urine for them to be okay with taking the catheter out.
I didn't take anything other than Motrin for pain. I never felt like the pain was so unbearable that I needed something stronger. I did accept some milk of magnesia the 2nd night when the bloating and gas pains were unbearable and was so happy I did. The next day I felt much better.
The only other part of recovery that was hard was the swelling. I think I expected it to get much better after delivery but instead it got worse and was so uncomfortable.
I was so excited when midwife L and Dr C showed up and confirmed I only had to stay two nights! I was also thrilled when Casey brought Joelie up to visit me. I missed her like crazy. We took her to the gift shop and she helped pick out gifts for the girls!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Scalpel? Check!
Midwife L said, "I think she is saying she wants a c-section." Dr C looked at me and asked, "Do you want a c-section?" I shook my head yes.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.
The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon?
11:06am How are you doing?
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates?
I responded at 1:24pm.
His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.
<3
Next stop... recovery.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.
The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon?
11:06am How are you doing?
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates?
I responded at 1:24pm.
His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.
<3
Next stop... recovery.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
What Happens Now?
This isn't the easiest thing to put into words. I've thought about it for days. I've replayed the whole thing in my head more times than I can count. It's very emotional for me.
I think that I expected something more to happen once Hudson made her grand entrance. Instead, I felt nothing. There were no more contractions. There was no pain. I just felt... normal.
Dr C grabbed the ultrasound wand and the look on her face spoke more to me than anything else. It was that look and the slight shaking of her head that sent my head spinning. She tried to push my stomach in hopes that Macy would move, but it didn't work.
I remember trying to focus on Macy-Dean. I tried to feel where she was, what she was doing. Had she moved at all? I knew she wasn't head down. I knew she was still so high up, I could feel her. I knew this wasn't a good start. My mind was racing and for the first time in the history of my giving birth, I was scared to death.
We started out with Dr C reaching inside of me and trying to either pull Macy down, or turn her around, I couldn't really tell which one. I remember the pain. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It hurt but in a really uncomfortable way, not in a stabbing pain way. I know at some point the nurses started Pitocin to bring the contractions back. It didn't seem to take long for them to kick back in but I'm pretty sure that I had no concept of time during any of this.
During each contraction Dr C would reach inside of me and grab Macy while I pushed. I would feel the pressure like she was moving but the moment the contraction was over I could feel this almost suction-like-feeling grabbing Macy back up. With each push and each suction-like-feeling I grew more and more discouraged and so tired. When Midwife L came into the room her soft voice and soothing touch brought me back to the fight but in the middle of all of it I noticed something... the nurses comments had changed. They were no longer saying, "you can do this".
I remember pausing and just trying to sit through the contractions. I didn't want to push anymore. I just wanted to rest and think about what was happening. I knew that B was right beside me, encouraging me... but was she the only one saying "those words"? Had everyone else given up?
I wanted to keep fighting. I didn't want to give up and I'm pretty sure Dr C would have stood by my side and let me fight as long as I wanted to. At some point during everything she offered an epidural and to let me rest and try again later but the thought of coming back and being in the same exact position was too much for me to handle. She asked me if I wanted a c-section and all I could do was shake my head no. I didn't want one. I didn't want for B and C to have to pay more for a c-section. I didn't want to stay in the hospital for 3 days by myself. I didn't want to be cut open. No. I didn't want a c-section.
Dr C also asked me if I wanted to call Casey and talk to him about it. Oh my gosh, Casey! He had no idea what was going on. It had been a good 2-3 hours from the last time I talked to him. No! I didn't want to call him. I didn't want him to know how much pain I was in, or that I was about to give up. I didn't want to disappoint him.
Asking for a c-section was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was admitting defeat. It was admitting that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. It was losing control...
I think that I expected something more to happen once Hudson made her grand entrance. Instead, I felt nothing. There were no more contractions. There was no pain. I just felt... normal.
Dr C grabbed the ultrasound wand and the look on her face spoke more to me than anything else. It was that look and the slight shaking of her head that sent my head spinning. She tried to push my stomach in hopes that Macy would move, but it didn't work.
I remember trying to focus on Macy-Dean. I tried to feel where she was, what she was doing. Had she moved at all? I knew she wasn't head down. I knew she was still so high up, I could feel her. I knew this wasn't a good start. My mind was racing and for the first time in the history of my giving birth, I was scared to death.
We started out with Dr C reaching inside of me and trying to either pull Macy down, or turn her around, I couldn't really tell which one. I remember the pain. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It hurt but in a really uncomfortable way, not in a stabbing pain way. I know at some point the nurses started Pitocin to bring the contractions back. It didn't seem to take long for them to kick back in but I'm pretty sure that I had no concept of time during any of this.
During each contraction Dr C would reach inside of me and grab Macy while I pushed. I would feel the pressure like she was moving but the moment the contraction was over I could feel this almost suction-like-feeling grabbing Macy back up. With each push and each suction-like-feeling I grew more and more discouraged and so tired. When Midwife L came into the room her soft voice and soothing touch brought me back to the fight but in the middle of all of it I noticed something... the nurses comments had changed. They were no longer saying, "you can do this".
I remember pausing and just trying to sit through the contractions. I didn't want to push anymore. I just wanted to rest and think about what was happening. I knew that B was right beside me, encouraging me... but was she the only one saying "those words"? Had everyone else given up?
I wanted to keep fighting. I didn't want to give up and I'm pretty sure Dr C would have stood by my side and let me fight as long as I wanted to. At some point during everything she offered an epidural and to let me rest and try again later but the thought of coming back and being in the same exact position was too much for me to handle. She asked me if I wanted a c-section and all I could do was shake my head no. I didn't want one. I didn't want for B and C to have to pay more for a c-section. I didn't want to stay in the hospital for 3 days by myself. I didn't want to be cut open. No. I didn't want a c-section.
Dr C also asked me if I wanted to call Casey and talk to him about it. Oh my gosh, Casey! He had no idea what was going on. It had been a good 2-3 hours from the last time I talked to him. No! I didn't want to call him. I didn't want him to know how much pain I was in, or that I was about to give up. I didn't want to disappoint him.
Asking for a c-section was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was admitting defeat. It was admitting that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. It was losing control...
Friday, March 2, 2012
Should I Stay, or Go?
On February 22 around 4pm one of my friends sent me a message asking how I was feeling. This was my reply to her... "I'm feeling really good. Swelling hurts. I'm having contractions off and on and have a lot of butt and vagina pressure.
I don't feel like labor is close."
I don't feel like labor is close."
By 8pm the contractions were coming in about 12 minutes apart. I had already taken a shower so I decided to go for a walk with my son to see if anything would change. No change. I ended up going to bed and just keeping track of the contractions. By 10pm they were 7 minutes apart. I called B to give her a heads up that I may be heading in to labor and delivery and called the doctors office to see what they thought I should do.
At 10:30pm we loaded up and headed to the hospital. When we got there we were met by the office midwife, L. I was checked (4cm's) and hooked up to monitors. The contractions got closer together, about 5 minutes apart.
L talked about letting me go home to labor on my own. Although it may seem odd to some people, it's one of the many things I love about the practice we found. They are very supportive of women being in control of their bodies.
Before making a decision about going home L checked to see if there were any changes. Yep! 5cm's! It was midnight and we were being admitted.
Casey went home to be with the kids and I was moved to a labor and delivery room. Contractions were steady all night but outside of going from 85% effaced to 100% effaced, my cervix stayed the same.
B and C drove straight through and ended up making it to the hospital a little after 5am. I got up and walked around a bit and the three of us ended up taking a little nap.
Dr C came in about 8am and broke my water. Still 5cm's and 100% effaced. I was excited to see that I could make progress without pitocin! The contractions were painful and I could tell they were doing their job. Around 9:30am we were at 7.5 cm's!
C was still sleeping through the fun but B was there keeping me company. I had my headphones on and tried listening to my music to keep my mind off the contractions. It worked until someone like Madonna or Alanis came on. :)
Around 10am Dr C came in and checked me again. I told her I felt like I needed to push but when she checked I was only 9cm's. She waited until I had a contraction and could feel that my cervix changed to 10 cm's when I pushed. So off to the operating room we went (standard practice when delivering twins).
B got her scrubs on and followed us to the OR. C waited back in the room. I was moved from my somewhat comfy bed to a itty bitty cot. I kept thinking what on earth am I going to hold on to when it comes time to push? There were no bars. Nothing. Thank goodness there were a handful of nurses in there to offer me hands to hold.
I started pushing a little after 10am. I pushed with all my might but Hudson wasn't budging. I could tell that with every push Dr C was having to help guide her, or move things... it's hard to explain. It was after a few pushes that Dr C asked if I wanted a catheter. I took it, hoping it would help. A few pushes later and Hudson was born, a tiny 6lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long and perfect!
I remember looking over at B and I could tell she had already fallen in love! It was the sweetest thing ever. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to have B in the room with me. She was so amazing and supportive the entire time. I can remember early conversations we would have about her "watching" and how weird it would be. None of that mattered. She was just so wonderful and I couldn't have done it without her.
Of course things didn't end here...
At 10:30pm we loaded up and headed to the hospital. When we got there we were met by the office midwife, L. I was checked (4cm's) and hooked up to monitors. The contractions got closer together, about 5 minutes apart.
L talked about letting me go home to labor on my own. Although it may seem odd to some people, it's one of the many things I love about the practice we found. They are very supportive of women being in control of their bodies.
Before making a decision about going home L checked to see if there were any changes. Yep! 5cm's! It was midnight and we were being admitted.
Casey went home to be with the kids and I was moved to a labor and delivery room. Contractions were steady all night but outside of going from 85% effaced to 100% effaced, my cervix stayed the same.
B and C drove straight through and ended up making it to the hospital a little after 5am. I got up and walked around a bit and the three of us ended up taking a little nap.
Dr C came in about 8am and broke my water. Still 5cm's and 100% effaced. I was excited to see that I could make progress without pitocin! The contractions were painful and I could tell they were doing their job. Around 9:30am we were at 7.5 cm's!
C was still sleeping through the fun but B was there keeping me company. I had my headphones on and tried listening to my music to keep my mind off the contractions. It worked until someone like Madonna or Alanis came on. :)
Around 10am Dr C came in and checked me again. I told her I felt like I needed to push but when she checked I was only 9cm's. She waited until I had a contraction and could feel that my cervix changed to 10 cm's when I pushed. So off to the operating room we went (standard practice when delivering twins).
B got her scrubs on and followed us to the OR. C waited back in the room. I was moved from my somewhat comfy bed to a itty bitty cot. I kept thinking what on earth am I going to hold on to when it comes time to push? There were no bars. Nothing. Thank goodness there were a handful of nurses in there to offer me hands to hold.
I started pushing a little after 10am. I pushed with all my might but Hudson wasn't budging. I could tell that with every push Dr C was having to help guide her, or move things... it's hard to explain. It was after a few pushes that Dr C asked if I wanted a catheter. I took it, hoping it would help. A few pushes later and Hudson was born, a tiny 6lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long and perfect!
I remember looking over at B and I could tell she had already fallen in love! It was the sweetest thing ever. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to have B in the room with me. She was so amazing and supportive the entire time. I can remember early conversations we would have about her "watching" and how weird it would be. None of that mattered. She was just so wonderful and I couldn't have done it without her.
Of course things didn't end here...
Monday, February 20, 2012
Active Labor!
Had our last office visit today just one day shy of 37 weeks and we are in stage 1, active labor! 4 cm's dilated and 80% effaced! How exciting!
We are still planning to induce Monday morning. I wonder if we will make it? I'm feeling great (outside of a head cold). I'm having contractions daily but nothing consistant. I noticed this weekend that the pain from the contractions feels different. I feel them more in my back and down my thighs vs all over my tummy. I'm sure that's just a sign of the pain to come. That's okay... BRING IT ON!
I'm so so so excited! I can't wait to see B and C with their girls! This has been such an amazing adventure and I'm so glad I was able to share it with such a wonderful couple! Can't wait for Monday!
We are still planning to induce Monday morning. I wonder if we will make it? I'm feeling great (outside of a head cold). I'm having contractions daily but nothing consistant. I noticed this weekend that the pain from the contractions feels different. I feel them more in my back and down my thighs vs all over my tummy. I'm sure that's just a sign of the pain to come. That's okay... BRING IT ON!
I'm so so so excited! I can't wait to see B and C with their girls! This has been such an amazing adventure and I'm so glad I was able to share it with such a wonderful couple! Can't wait for Monday!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy 9 Months!!
Well we made it to 36 weeks with flying colors. The girls are happy, healthy, and cozy in there. I don't think I ever really had a doubt that we would make it this far. As a matter of fact, I have no doubt that we will make it to our induction date.
I'm so excited that we are in the final stretch and that B and C will soon have two beautiful little girls! I can't wait to see all the love and joy on their faces when they finally meet! (I need to remember to take my camera to get some pictures of the new family).
I'm looking forward to getting my body back. The swelling and discomfort have been really really hard on me. I can't even bend my toes, feet, or legs without it hurting and my hands are always throbbing. You know what else I'm looking forward to? Sleeping on my stomach! I miss it... wait... I miss it and sleeping in general!
In the last few weeks I started getting fluid build up under my belly button. It's the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever have. I'm not even sure how to describe the pain. I can't apply pressure to my lower stomach, so no low pants. I can't sit where my stomach touches anything, or it's self because it stings. Just a really odd pain to have and a really odd location.
I'm excited for the final 13 days of our journey. I'm happy to have been a part of something so amazing, no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. <3
I'm so excited that we are in the final stretch and that B and C will soon have two beautiful little girls! I can't wait to see all the love and joy on their faces when they finally meet! (I need to remember to take my camera to get some pictures of the new family).
I'm looking forward to getting my body back. The swelling and discomfort have been really really hard on me. I can't even bend my toes, feet, or legs without it hurting and my hands are always throbbing. You know what else I'm looking forward to? Sleeping on my stomach! I miss it... wait... I miss it and sleeping in general!
In the last few weeks I started getting fluid build up under my belly button. It's the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever have. I'm not even sure how to describe the pain. I can't apply pressure to my lower stomach, so no low pants. I can't sit where my stomach touches anything, or it's self because it stings. Just a really odd pain to have and a really odd location.
I'm excited for the final 13 days of our journey. I'm happy to have been a part of something so amazing, no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. <3
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
35 Week Appointment
This weekend I noticed that there was a mushy bulge under my belly button. That part of my stomach isn't hard and droops down quit a bit. It's sort of hard to explain. It's not something I ever experienced with my previous pregnancies. It feels bruised when I touch it and it's uncomfortable. I started freaking myself out thinking it was the placenta and started worrying that it wasn't normal. I asked about it this morning at our appointment and Dr C said it was a build up of fluid just like in my legs and feet. It's so nasty!
B was able to come down to meet Dr C and see her girls! I was so thrilled listening to her chit chat with Dr C. They both seemed really comfortable with one another. I really like Dr C and I adore B so it was nice seeing them so relaxed with one another!!
Dr C went over breech delivery with B. I'm pretty sure she was able to put her mind at ease... I hope! They even discussed haircare products for curly hair! :)
We left our first appointment and went to Torchys Tacos for breakfast. If you are ever in Austin, you have to go there! Amazing!
We ate our breakfast burritos, and chips with queso and guacamole. It was actually really nice just chit chatting and getting to know one another better. I really like B!
We went back to the doctor at 11 to have our sonogram. The set up wasn't as "high tech" as the old Dr C's but I don't think either of us minded.
I knew before going into the scan that Macy-Dean wasn't in the same position that she was in due to her movements. I had really hoped she was head down, but she wasn't. Boo! She did migrate a little to the left. Her head is right under Hudson's butt, under my left ribs. Her body wraps straight down my body with her bottom right next to Hudson's head. She measured in at 5lbs 14oz. Hudson is still in the same position, chilling on my cervix behind all that cushiony fluid. Her body wraps up my left side with her bottom under my ribs and her knees tucked into her chest. She measured in at 5lbs 7oz.
I'm hoping with the postions the way they are now that once Hudson is born Macy-Dean will just flip right around and come out head first too! We shall see!
Induction is in the books. February 27 at 8am. 20 more days!
B was able to come down to meet Dr C and see her girls! I was so thrilled listening to her chit chat with Dr C. They both seemed really comfortable with one another. I really like Dr C and I adore B so it was nice seeing them so relaxed with one another!!
Dr C went over breech delivery with B. I'm pretty sure she was able to put her mind at ease... I hope! They even discussed haircare products for curly hair! :)
We left our first appointment and went to Torchys Tacos for breakfast. If you are ever in Austin, you have to go there! Amazing!
We ate our breakfast burritos, and chips with queso and guacamole. It was actually really nice just chit chatting and getting to know one another better. I really like B!
We went back to the doctor at 11 to have our sonogram. The set up wasn't as "high tech" as the old Dr C's but I don't think either of us minded.
I knew before going into the scan that Macy-Dean wasn't in the same position that she was in due to her movements. I had really hoped she was head down, but she wasn't. Boo! She did migrate a little to the left. Her head is right under Hudson's butt, under my left ribs. Her body wraps straight down my body with her bottom right next to Hudson's head. She measured in at 5lbs 14oz. Hudson is still in the same position, chilling on my cervix behind all that cushiony fluid. Her body wraps up my left side with her bottom under my ribs and her knees tucked into her chest. She measured in at 5lbs 7oz.
I'm hoping with the postions the way they are now that once Hudson is born Macy-Dean will just flip right around and come out head first too! We shall see!
Induction is in the books. February 27 at 8am. 20 more days!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
34 Week Appointment
I had our second appointment with Dr C on Tuesday. I must admit I was a little nervous about going. The first visit went great and all but I can't help but to worry constantly that something else will go wrong. Dr C (old) really messed things up for me.
The wait wasn't long. The staff was still amazing. They were still trying to get my records transfered and it sounded like quite the battle listening to K talk to Dr C's office on the phone.
We did the standard urine test, weight check, and listened to the heartbeats. Dr C gave me some exercises to do to keep the swelling in my hands down. We talked about PICA and taking Iron. She drew blood to check my iron levels and told me to start taking Magnesium with the Iron to help even things out. We also did the strep test.
I asked her about the girls positions wondering if she told tell by feeling where they were at. She told me that she could feel a head on my cervix and that we would see where the heartbeats are. She started with Hudson and said, if she's still head down her heart will pick up right here... and it did! She went to Macy-Dean and said and hers would be right here... and sure enough it was.
I had a feeling that she flipped last week but I didn't want to say anything out loud! :) Now I can't wait until next Tuesdays appointment so we can see exactly what is going on in there. Plus B and C will be here! So excited!!
Dr C told me she still didn't believe that we would make it until 38 weeks so she didn't put us down in the books at the hospital. I told her I really didn't think they would come early so she might want to get us scheduled. So... as of now we are due to be induced on Feb 27th. 25 more days to go!
The wait wasn't long. The staff was still amazing. They were still trying to get my records transfered and it sounded like quite the battle listening to K talk to Dr C's office on the phone.
We did the standard urine test, weight check, and listened to the heartbeats. Dr C gave me some exercises to do to keep the swelling in my hands down. We talked about PICA and taking Iron. She drew blood to check my iron levels and told me to start taking Magnesium with the Iron to help even things out. We also did the strep test.
I asked her about the girls positions wondering if she told tell by feeling where they were at. She told me that she could feel a head on my cervix and that we would see where the heartbeats are. She started with Hudson and said, if she's still head down her heart will pick up right here... and it did! She went to Macy-Dean and said and hers would be right here... and sure enough it was.
I had a feeling that she flipped last week but I didn't want to say anything out loud! :) Now I can't wait until next Tuesdays appointment so we can see exactly what is going on in there. Plus B and C will be here! So excited!!
Dr C told me she still didn't believe that we would make it until 38 weeks so she didn't put us down in the books at the hospital. I told her I really didn't think they would come early so she might want to get us scheduled. So... as of now we are due to be induced on Feb 27th. 25 more days to go!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
33 Weeks Today!
I met with (a new) Dr C and her midwife assistant L yesterday morning. After everything that happened recently I wasn't sure what to expect but I was prepared with all my questions and ready to hear what they had to say.
I met with L first. She was exactly how I expected her to be, crunchy. She was very friendly and shared stories of successful twin vaginal deliveries with me. She has worked as a midwife for 20 years and spent a lot of time practicing overseas.
Dr C came in a few minutes later. I was shocked when I first saw her, she looked so young. I'm guessing she's actually around my age. She worked with another practice and just recently branched off to her own practice. I'm pretty sure they have less than 10 people working there.
Anyway... she was amazing. We talked about baby positions and what she would do for each scenario. She also shared stories of successful vaginal deliveries with me. She wasn't concerned about Macy-Dean being a few ounces bigger and even said the rule is... they have to be smaller than my largest baby. That leaves us a lot of room for growth!
She told me she wouldn't make me have an epidural but she suggested I get one anyway. The meeting lasted about 1 hour and I left there feeling confident and excited.
My first appointment is next Tuesday. The following Tuesday B and C are coming down to meet the new doctor and I'm hoping she will put B's mind at ease regarding a breech delivery.
Oh and induction still stands. February 28th, 5 more weeks!
I met with L first. She was exactly how I expected her to be, crunchy. She was very friendly and shared stories of successful twin vaginal deliveries with me. She has worked as a midwife for 20 years and spent a lot of time practicing overseas.
Dr C came in a few minutes later. I was shocked when I first saw her, she looked so young. I'm guessing she's actually around my age. She worked with another practice and just recently branched off to her own practice. I'm pretty sure they have less than 10 people working there.
Anyway... she was amazing. We talked about baby positions and what she would do for each scenario. She also shared stories of successful vaginal deliveries with me. She wasn't concerned about Macy-Dean being a few ounces bigger and even said the rule is... they have to be smaller than my largest baby. That leaves us a lot of room for growth!
She told me she wouldn't make me have an epidural but she suggested I get one anyway. The meeting lasted about 1 hour and I left there feeling confident and excited.
My first appointment is next Tuesday. The following Tuesday B and C are coming down to meet the new doctor and I'm hoping she will put B's mind at ease regarding a breech delivery.
Oh and induction still stands. February 28th, 5 more weeks!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
32 weeks. Part 2.
I appreciate all the concerns and thoughts. The girls are doing great and the pregnancy is going well.
After our scan yesterday the weights of the babies raised some concerns for me. I was worried about Macy-Dean being so much bigger than Hudson. I was also concerned about what that would mean for attempting a vaginal delivery. I'm aware that most doctors won't attempt a breech delivery and I know that if they normally consider it they sure won't if the breech baby is bigger.
So I went into my visit with Dr C armed with questions. I started off by asking him about the weight difference between the girls. I wanted to make sure it wasn't something that we should be concerned about it. He didn't have a clue what the numbers looked like so I gave him the documents from our last scan in December, and the one done yesterday. He said that it was 24% difference which was more than okay.
I moved on.
I asked him with Macy-Dean being bigger and breech what that meant for a vaginal delivery, what would he do? He started to shake his head before I finished the question and responded by telling me that I needed to find another doctor, that he wasn't the right one for me. I was shocked and asked him why. He started telling me that he wouldn't dare risk giving Macy-Dean Cerebal Palsy and that I may not care because they aren't mine, but he wouldn't do that to their mom. I just sat there listening to him. I told him I knew that no one would delivery a breech baby if it was bigger than the first baby delivered and explained that wasn't what I was asking. I told him that I had hoped he would try a version to turn Macy-Dean after Hudson was born. I gave him the spill about how my uterus could stretch, I delivered a lot of babies, blah blah blah. I felt like I was begging him to agree to try. He kept saying he couldn't offer a guarantee and that he felt like that is what I wanted from him. I told him all I wanted was for him to try and if it didn't work we could go straight to an emergency c-section. He started to come around, said that my experience made him feel better. He even told me stories of successful versions that he had done recently. I asked him if it didn't work and we ended up with a c-section what that would mean. He said if they had time they would do a spinal block, if not... they would put me to sleep. THEN I asked him about the scheduled induction that has been on my chart from the very beginning. February 28th. A Tuesday. I asked him if he did all of his inductions on Tuesday. He said NO, I only do SURGERIES on Tuesday. I looked at him in disbelief. All this time he has us scheduled for a c-section despite anything we've said. In addition to that, the last time B was here she asked him to push the induction to closer to 39 weeks and after arguing he agreed. He never changed the date. He handed the nurse my chart and left the room without saying another word to me.
I was left with the nurse reassuring me that he would come around. I walked out to the other nurses telling me not to give up, to keep working on him. All I could think was I shouldn't have to "work" on him. In the beginning he agreed to let us try a vaginal delivery as long as Baby A was head down. In one day he went from telling me to get a new doctor, to saying he wouldn't do it, to agreeing to try...
In the end there is no way I can trust him every again. The way he handled the situation was very unprofessional. He was angry. He was rude and he made hurtful comments.
So. I spent last night looking for doctors in the Austin area willing to do a vaginal delivery with twins that are vertex and breech. I found 3. I contacted all of them. So far I've back from two of them.
One was a practice of 7 doctors. Only one had agreed to help but because of different doctors being on call they would all have to agree to it. They actually gave me the contact information for another doctor that said she would love to help. I have an appointment with her on Monday.
Another practice of 7 female doctors agreed to help. I have an appointment with them on Wednesday.
In the end, all I want is a great birthing experience for all of us involved and happy and healthy little girls. I'm sure that isn't impossible and I won't give up trying my hardest to make it happen. <3
After our scan yesterday the weights of the babies raised some concerns for me. I was worried about Macy-Dean being so much bigger than Hudson. I was also concerned about what that would mean for attempting a vaginal delivery. I'm aware that most doctors won't attempt a breech delivery and I know that if they normally consider it they sure won't if the breech baby is bigger.
So I went into my visit with Dr C armed with questions. I started off by asking him about the weight difference between the girls. I wanted to make sure it wasn't something that we should be concerned about it. He didn't have a clue what the numbers looked like so I gave him the documents from our last scan in December, and the one done yesterday. He said that it was 24% difference which was more than okay.
I moved on.
I asked him with Macy-Dean being bigger and breech what that meant for a vaginal delivery, what would he do? He started to shake his head before I finished the question and responded by telling me that I needed to find another doctor, that he wasn't the right one for me. I was shocked and asked him why. He started telling me that he wouldn't dare risk giving Macy-Dean Cerebal Palsy and that I may not care because they aren't mine, but he wouldn't do that to their mom. I just sat there listening to him. I told him I knew that no one would delivery a breech baby if it was bigger than the first baby delivered and explained that wasn't what I was asking. I told him that I had hoped he would try a version to turn Macy-Dean after Hudson was born. I gave him the spill about how my uterus could stretch, I delivered a lot of babies, blah blah blah. I felt like I was begging him to agree to try. He kept saying he couldn't offer a guarantee and that he felt like that is what I wanted from him. I told him all I wanted was for him to try and if it didn't work we could go straight to an emergency c-section. He started to come around, said that my experience made him feel better. He even told me stories of successful versions that he had done recently. I asked him if it didn't work and we ended up with a c-section what that would mean. He said if they had time they would do a spinal block, if not... they would put me to sleep. THEN I asked him about the scheduled induction that has been on my chart from the very beginning. February 28th. A Tuesday. I asked him if he did all of his inductions on Tuesday. He said NO, I only do SURGERIES on Tuesday. I looked at him in disbelief. All this time he has us scheduled for a c-section despite anything we've said. In addition to that, the last time B was here she asked him to push the induction to closer to 39 weeks and after arguing he agreed. He never changed the date. He handed the nurse my chart and left the room without saying another word to me.
I was left with the nurse reassuring me that he would come around. I walked out to the other nurses telling me not to give up, to keep working on him. All I could think was I shouldn't have to "work" on him. In the beginning he agreed to let us try a vaginal delivery as long as Baby A was head down. In one day he went from telling me to get a new doctor, to saying he wouldn't do it, to agreeing to try...
In the end there is no way I can trust him every again. The way he handled the situation was very unprofessional. He was angry. He was rude and he made hurtful comments.
So. I spent last night looking for doctors in the Austin area willing to do a vaginal delivery with twins that are vertex and breech. I found 3. I contacted all of them. So far I've back from two of them.
One was a practice of 7 doctors. Only one had agreed to help but because of different doctors being on call they would all have to agree to it. They actually gave me the contact information for another doctor that said she would love to help. I have an appointment with her on Monday.
Another practice of 7 female doctors agreed to help. I have an appointment with them on Wednesday.
In the end, all I want is a great birthing experience for all of us involved and happy and healthy little girls. I'm sure that isn't impossible and I won't give up trying my hardest to make it happen. <3
32 Weeks
I have a lot to say but I'm still trying to process everything that happened during yesterdays appointment. I'm not quite ready to talk about it. So until I am, here is a small update:
We had a growth scan to check on the girls. They are in similar positions still. Baby A, Hudson is head down and facing sideways toward the front. Baby A, Macy-Dean is footlong breech facing forward. We were able to get some cute shots of her this time.
Hudson is still measuring a tad smaller. She is 4lb 3oz and 32 weeks 1 day (right on track). Macy-Dean is 4lbs 11oz and 33 weeks 2 days.
Here are some pictures;
Hudson
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Hudson
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
We had a growth scan to check on the girls. They are in similar positions still. Baby A, Hudson is head down and facing sideways toward the front. Baby A, Macy-Dean is footlong breech facing forward. We were able to get some cute shots of her this time.
Hudson is still measuring a tad smaller. She is 4lb 3oz and 32 weeks 1 day (right on track). Macy-Dean is 4lbs 11oz and 33 weeks 2 days.
Here are some pictures;
Hudson
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Hudson
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Macy-Dean
Macy-DeanSunday, January 1, 2012
29 Weeks, 3 Days
I wasn't too thrilled about going to the doctor Friday. I had to postpone my "normal" visit due to being out of town for the Holidays and then I got a call a week or so later saying Dr C would be out on the day I was coming in. I tried to rebook but couldn't because I HAD to get in and get my RhoGAM shot plus they were behind on doing the growth scan and didn't want to reschedule it. So off I went Friday morning bright and early.
I must admit, I like going in early when there is hardly anyone there and things move along quickly. I was taken straight back for the scan.
The tech started with Baby A. She is head down and resting right on top of my cervix. Just in the right position! I sure hope she stays there!! She is absolutely adorable and made sure to show off for us. The tech was able to get pictures of her swallowing and a pretty decent 3d picture (the placenta is in front of her so it was a bit challenging).
All of her measurements were perfect and right on target.
Baby B is breech. Her head is right under my boobs and her body stretches all the way down to my pelvic bone. She is facing my spine so getting a good face shot of her was impossible. She is very active and was during the scan but she wouldn't turn her face for us. We did get a shot of her neck and you can see her fat rolls!! So cute!
Her measurements were perfect too and a little ahead of target.
Here's the breakdown:
Baby A: EDD is 03/14 and she weighs 3lbs
Baby B: EDD is 03/08 and she weighs 3lbs 4oz
The rest of the appointment went as expected. I got my RhoGAM shot and talked to the "doctor" in charge. She didn't actually introduce herself but after speaking with her i'm 99% sure wasn't a real doctor.
Anyway... I brought up some concerns about frequent contractions and worrying about them actually making progress since Baby A is head down and right on top of my cervix. She answered with some ramblings about women fearing that the baby will fall out when they poop. I just decided that it would do no good at all for me to talk to her. :) Instead we focused on what we did for Christmas and New Years Parties. Good times.
I did notice that Dr C already has an induction scheduled for February 28th. B asked him to hold off until March but it doesn't appear that he listened to her. Hopefully everything goes as planned and they can agree to meet in the middle. :)
Our next appointment is Jan 18th (32 weeks). I'm due to have another growth scan. I'll start going every two weeks after that and Dr C will start checking progress at 36 weeks. I will admit that I'm concerned about the contractions and have a fear that they are changing my cervix. I've had a bit of bloody show for the last couple of days. So... I may ask that they check and progress at our next appointment just to ease my mind.
Overall everything is going great. I'm excited that we are nearing the end! I can't wait for B and C to hold their girls and meet them for the first time!
I'm over the weight gain already and can't wait to get rid of the extra weight. B actually sent me a 3 month gym membership to use after the girls are born for Christmas! I'm really excited about it!
I'm also over the leg cramps and numbness and tingling in my arms, hands, and legs. Talk about uncomfortable!
Carrying twins isn't the same or nearly as easy as carrying a singleton. There is never a dull moment, one is always moving, and forget about sleeping soundly. I slept on my tummy through all of my single pregnancies, all the way up to the very end. The only way I can sleep with these girls is on my back. I miss having a good nights sleep.
Oh... and I learned at the last appointment that I have had the babies backward, so Baby A... isn't the wild one, it's really Baby B!
Here are some pictures:
Baby A Face
Baby B Leg
Baby B Neck Rolls
Baby A Swallowing
Oh and I found out about B's baby shower and sent a couple of things to her. I had to make sure she was okay with sharing the girls names before I posted pictures. Here you go!
I must admit, I like going in early when there is hardly anyone there and things move along quickly. I was taken straight back for the scan.
The tech started with Baby A. She is head down and resting right on top of my cervix. Just in the right position! I sure hope she stays there!! She is absolutely adorable and made sure to show off for us. The tech was able to get pictures of her swallowing and a pretty decent 3d picture (the placenta is in front of her so it was a bit challenging).
All of her measurements were perfect and right on target.
Baby B is breech. Her head is right under my boobs and her body stretches all the way down to my pelvic bone. She is facing my spine so getting a good face shot of her was impossible. She is very active and was during the scan but she wouldn't turn her face for us. We did get a shot of her neck and you can see her fat rolls!! So cute!
Her measurements were perfect too and a little ahead of target.
Here's the breakdown:
Baby A: EDD is 03/14 and she weighs 3lbs
Baby B: EDD is 03/08 and she weighs 3lbs 4oz
The rest of the appointment went as expected. I got my RhoGAM shot and talked to the "doctor" in charge. She didn't actually introduce herself but after speaking with her i'm 99% sure wasn't a real doctor.
Anyway... I brought up some concerns about frequent contractions and worrying about them actually making progress since Baby A is head down and right on top of my cervix. She answered with some ramblings about women fearing that the baby will fall out when they poop. I just decided that it would do no good at all for me to talk to her. :) Instead we focused on what we did for Christmas and New Years Parties. Good times.
I did notice that Dr C already has an induction scheduled for February 28th. B asked him to hold off until March but it doesn't appear that he listened to her. Hopefully everything goes as planned and they can agree to meet in the middle. :)
Our next appointment is Jan 18th (32 weeks). I'm due to have another growth scan. I'll start going every two weeks after that and Dr C will start checking progress at 36 weeks. I will admit that I'm concerned about the contractions and have a fear that they are changing my cervix. I've had a bit of bloody show for the last couple of days. So... I may ask that they check and progress at our next appointment just to ease my mind.
Overall everything is going great. I'm excited that we are nearing the end! I can't wait for B and C to hold their girls and meet them for the first time!
I'm over the weight gain already and can't wait to get rid of the extra weight. B actually sent me a 3 month gym membership to use after the girls are born for Christmas! I'm really excited about it!
I'm also over the leg cramps and numbness and tingling in my arms, hands, and legs. Talk about uncomfortable!
Carrying twins isn't the same or nearly as easy as carrying a singleton. There is never a dull moment, one is always moving, and forget about sleeping soundly. I slept on my tummy through all of my single pregnancies, all the way up to the very end. The only way I can sleep with these girls is on my back. I miss having a good nights sleep.
Oh... and I learned at the last appointment that I have had the babies backward, so Baby A... isn't the wild one, it's really Baby B!
Here are some pictures:
Oh and I found out about B's baby shower and sent a couple of things to her. I had to make sure she was okay with sharing the girls names before I posted pictures. Here you go!
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