Scalpel? Check!

Midwife L said, "I think she is saying she wants a c-section." Dr C looked at me and asked, "Do you want a c-section?" I shook my head yes.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.

The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon? 
11:06am How are you doing? 
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates? 


I responded at 1:24pm. 

His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.

<3 

Next stop... recovery.