Tuesday, November 5, 2013

HERSHEY

One of the things I missed most about Texas was the food. We have been back here just shy of 3 weeks and I have caught up on all of our favorite places, except one. I have been saving it for a special day. Today.

E flew in for our 5 month ultrasound appointment and I had her meet me (and Joelie) at Chuy's in Austin. I mean, where else would you take someone visiting Texas?!? I thoroughly enjoyed my chick-a chick-a boom boom but couldn't eat much. It was SPICY. 


We had some time to kill before our appointment so I drove E around north Austin. I showed her the hospital we would deliver at and took her out to my house to meet my amazing husband before heading back.


I don't think I can put into words the feelings that came over me being back in the Nurture office. It felt like... home, like I belonged. I swear I could keep having babies just so I could see everyone there on a daily basis! 
We filled out some standard paperwork and headed back for the ultrasound. E called C so he could hear what was going on. All three of us were chatting about the gender while the sonographer got started. I was mid sentence telling C he was getting a boy when I caught a glimpse of GIRL PARTS! I couldn't believe it! The sonographer confirmed it is indeed a girl! I wish you guys could have heard the excitement in the room. I will never forget the sound of C's voice! Amazing. Sweet. 

The rest of the appointment went great. Baby girl is measuring right on track, 19 weeks-5 days. Everything looks good. We met with Dr. C. ((LOVE HER.)) I think E really liked her as well. She was confident in our ability to have a VBAC! I have no doubt that we can make it happen.
Something really sweet... E and I both ended up with a Dr. Seuss book... one for me to read to the baby and one for E and her son to read together to prepare for the new baby. What a great idea! So fun! 

When we were leaving E pulled out a bag with a Hershey bar and two markers, pink and blue. She said her friend gave it to her and told her to color in a pink SHE or blue HE and post a picture for everyone. I watched as the candy wrapper turned pink. So exciting! I decided we had to try one more Austin staple before E headed home. We headed over to Amy's Ice Cream. Guess what was next door?!? Gymboree! Of course we couldn't pass up the opportunity to pick up a couple of dresses! Purple and Pink of course! :) 
I took the HERSHEY picture for E to send to friends and family and we enjoyed our Mexican Vanilla ice cream with strawberries. YUM!

What an amazing day! I couldn't be more thrilled to be back in Texas and back in the care of Nurture OB/GYN. I'm so excited for E and C and can't wait to meet their baby GIRL! 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

16 Week Update

First of all, I want to apologize for the bitchiness of my post about Dr. S. I should have taken a step back and controlled my raging pregnancy hormones before posting. I'm sorry to anyone that I offended, and for any hurt feelings.

I will admit that I'm not very emotional this pregnancy and instead find that I'm more easily irritated. It's one reason why I'm going to change my guess from girl, to boy. :) 



As most of you know by now we are leaving the non-surrogate-friendly-state of New Jersey and are headed back to the surrogate-friendly-state of Texas! I'm thrilled to get back to Nurture OB/GYN and the amazing, supportive staff there! We already have our first appointment scheduled for November 5th. E and her mother are flying in to be there for the anatomy scan. I can't wait! 

I did have one final appointment here yesterday. After my experience with doctors in New Jersey I went in being thankful for just having to go once. I left there wishing I had scheduled my first appointment with her, instead of Dr. S. She was simply AMAZING! After chit chatting for almost an hour we headed in to do an ultrasound. Can I just say AWWW! I couldn't get over the adorable profile! The baby is measuring 15 weeks and 5 days, which is right on target! We got to hear and see the heartbeat, 136 (did I mention I changed my mind? boy!). I asked Dr. P if she could see a penis. She said no. Hmmmm. 




Profile
Heartbeat
A little something E sent to me! I love care packages! She is the sweetest!!! 








Friday, September 20, 2013

Drugs. Illness. Aversions. Cravings.

12 weeks and 5 days pregnant today and I'm counting down the days until the second trimester begins. No really, I have a countdown on my phone. Although I'm trilled to be done with the estrogen and progesterone, stopping them didn't offer any relief from the sickness I have been feeling. :( It seems to hit me the same time everyday, around 4pm. I pick up all the kids from school and end up in bed for 1 hour. I hate it. I'm sure the kids do too.

I have had some major aversions this go round. Soda. Coffee. Ketchup. Doritos. Eggs. Corn. Grease. Peanut Butter. The list goes on and on. For those of you that know me well, you know that a coffee aversion is painful for me. I love my daily coffee. My BFF sent me some coffee from Canada a few weeks ago and it has been sitting untouched. I'm happy to report that this week I actually cracked a box opened and thoroughly enjoyed a steamy cup of Joe! Yum!

I don't have any fun cravings to share. At least they don't seem fun to me! I love lemonade, orange juice, veggies, Slurpees and sweets. I was on a Cheerios and Frosted Flakes kick, but that seems to have died down a bit now. I'm hoping that once the aversions die down I can focus on being a little more disciplined and eat things a little more healthy! Just say no to the Twix and Starburst... maybe the Slurpees too.

The good news is that I haven't gained any weight yet. The bad news is that I'm sure that will change when my appetite comes back.

Did I already mention that think this baby is a girl? My hair is ugly and dull. My face is breaking out and dry. These things added to the heartbeat, always feeling sick and sweet cravings... scream girl. Of course, I have been known to be wrong. B totally didn't end up with a boy and girl. Guess we will see!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

12 Week Update (cont.)

I knew after our first visit that Dr. S had never worked with an gestational surrogate let alone an IVF patient before. I thought I would be able to hang with him and help him learn along the way, but the longer I looked at the order they sent home with me the more I realized that I couldn't do this. The entire pregnancy I would be treated as high risk because I'm 35, but mainly because he doesn't know any better. Our due date would always be a week off because he didn't understand how the transfer date established the due date. Outside of that he doesn't perform any scans or blood work in office and I would have to travel 2 hours round trip to have them done. The icing on top was hearing that Joelie could not accompany me to the clinic to have the scan, but if I had to bring her she could wait with the ladies in the reception area. Not something I wanted to do. So, I called Monday and cancelled my appointments. I let E know that I wouldn't be returning to Dr. S and that we needed to search for a new doctor that was familiar with IVF, and closer to home. I asked a local moms group for advice and started a list to send to E.

Of course it was no surprise that Dr. S called C and that C called me. I answered that phone call knowing what was coming and I was PISSED. I felt like a damn child. These two doctors thought they would get together and chat about the crazy, over aged, high risk pregnant lady that didn't show up to her appointment. I listened as C told me he had my back and in the same breath talked about how amazing Dr. S was, based on his research. C understood my not wanting to go back but 'suggested' that I reconsider. I listened. I bet anyone having a conversation with C would be able to tell he's a doctor. He is good at what he does. He has great communication skills and is really good at being positive in is responses. Only, it wasn't working on me. I left the conversation the same way I came into it, PISSED.

Let me just throw something out there for those of you that may not know. Gestational Carriers are used up until age 42, with most companies. It's understood that maternal age has nothing to do with the development and risks of a baby that doesn't biologically belong to the carrier. Being treated as high risk and having extra testing done is not only unnecessary  it can also be costly when insurance doesn't cover the tests. I'm familiar enough with the ins and outs of surrogacy to know what rights I have and to be able to make decisions that are best for me and the baby. While C and Dr. S are probably very talented at what they do, it doesn't make them specialist is surrogacy and decisions that effect me personally.

Working with IP's is a give and take relationship. While it's their baby, it's my body and I want to work with a doctor that I can completely trust. That wasn't going to happen with Dr. S and I decided to move on. For me, it wasn't about how great C thought he was, or how his apologizing spoke volumes. It was about my confidence and comfort level, which with him, were non existent.

E and I went through the list of doctors that we had and narrowed them down by hospital affiliation pretty quickly. We ended up with two options. One is a practice of 3 doctors that share with an additional practice. E wasn't comfortable with so many doctors so we ended up with the other one, a doctor in the same building as the fertility center here in New Jersey. I planned to call and schedule and appointment today but was pretty busy with my own family and didn't get a chance. So I will call tomorrow.

I will leave with this. Right now I'm not feeling too happy about being in this situation. What started out as exciting and fun has now turned into complicated and draining. I'm living in a state that isn't surrogate friendly, searching for a doctor that is familiar with surrogacy while trying to do my best to make E and C happy. Today E sent me a text asking if I made an appointment with the new doctor and if I had called Dr. S. Followed by a text that said C thinks I should call Dr. S and talk to him. I thought, what have I gotten myself into? Back the f off of me! I need a break!  -pregnancy hormones at their finest.

I don't know what will happen with this new doctor but at least she is closer to home and the scans are done next door. Maybe she too will decide to treat me as high risk? I guess if she does I will just accept defeat and go along for the ride. At this point, I don't care. 


12 Week Update and Vent

This post has been a long time coming and I'm sorry for those of you that have been waiting. I have been thinking about what I would say for a couple of weeks now and I'm still not sure that I'm ready to put it all into words, but I will try.

The first step after confirmation of a pregnancy is finding a doctor. I sat out with my search based on local hospitals with a level III NICU and successful VBAC rates. I found a few that looked promising and sent them over to E to help me choose. We went back and forth a few times but E and C had stumbled upon a doctor they both felt pretty confident about. Feeling exhausted and sick, I felt it was best to just accept and give it a shot.
"
The reason why we thought Dr. S looked good was because of his training/background, experience with VBAC, small practice, and  experience with natural birth.  I think he takes our insurance" 

When I arrived at the office I filled out the paperwork and waited for about 30 minutes for Dr. S to come in. Our initial greeting went the way I had hoped. He firmly shook my hand and acknowledged Joelie. Once in his office we sat down and the questions began. He asked about my last period, I gave him that date as well as the date of our transfer. I explained that I was a gestational carrier and that both the sperm and egg belonged to the intended parents. The first thing he said is that he would like to send me for a Nuchal Transluency scan. I told him that I wasn't sure C and E were interested in the scan, that I would have to ask them. He raised his voice and told me that if he was going to me my doctor I had to have the scan. I went on to tell him that I didn't have the scan with any of my children. Raising his voice again he said, "THAT DOESN'T MATTER!". I shut down. He told me why the scan was important and I listened. I simply repeated what I said before about asking E and C if they wanted to have it done. With his voice still raised he asked if I would have to check with E and C on everything I had done, I said yes, it is their baby. He continued on and I finally told him that I thought I would just leave. He said he thought it was a good idea. He walked out and loudly said to the receptionist, " She is leaving because I don't want to deal with having to ask permission every time I want to perform a test, we won't charge her for the visit."
I got into the car and called E to give her a rundown.

E sent me a text later that afternoon saying that C was going to call Dr. S. After his phone call with the doctor, C called to get my side of things. Of course our stories pretty much lined up and C expressed how sorry he was for what I had gone through, BUT after talking to Dr. S he felt that we could try our visit again. See, C is a doctor too. He called Dr S and presented himself as a doctor and the intended dad. They had a doctor to doctor chat and came to an understanding. 


Here is where things get difficult for me. I really adore E and C. I think they are an amazing couple and I'm beyond thrilled to be able to do this for them. It was during the conversation with C that things changed for me. I suppose I should appreciate that he called Dr. S after our visit but instead I felt like he jumped on board with Dr. S and stabbed me in the back. I listened to what C had to say and replied when I could. I left the conversation agreeing to go back to Dr. S and feeling that C was less than sincere and maybe even a little fake.

Fast forward to the next visit. Dr. S was nothing but polite. His whole attitude to changed and he was speaking in a calm, soothing voice. He said that he spoke with Dr. C and had a better understanding of things and would be happy to take care of me through the remainder of the pregnancy. He asked if I had anything concerns. I told him that I appreciated his apology and that I just wanted to make one thing clear. I told him I would never allow him to speak to me the way he had before. He apologized again and agreed to keep his cool.
In the exam room the nurse practitioner told me how bad Dr. S felt after I left. She told me it was good that I stood up to him and said what I did. We did a pap smear and and ultrasound. Baby looked good, heart rate was 144.
After the exam we sat and talked a few more minutes. Apparently Dr. C and Dr. S decided to go ahead with the scan and additional blood work. Dr. S explained how I was high risk and how all of this was to take care of me. I tried to explain to Dr. S that my maternal age had nothing to do with the pregnancy and that I wasn't really high risk. I also tried to explain that the EDD was wrong because they needed to go by our transfer date, not my last period. Everything I said was nodded off and dismissed.
I left with an order to have a butt-load of blood work done and an appointment to have the Nuchal Scan that following Monday.

I'm going to stop here. There is a lot more to all of this but I'm so tired and not ready to continue. I will try and update the rest tomorrow.

Monday, August 12, 2013

How Many Babies Fit In One Woman?

When I pulled into the parking lot of the fertility clinic Monday morning I was hit with an abundance of emotions, and morning sickness. I headed up to the third floor, signed in on the ultrasound paper, and took a seat.
E and I were sending text messages to each other. We sounded like two excited little kids.
Me: Ready? 

E: Yes!! Are you in the ultra sound room?
Me: No. Waiting
E: Ok great!!! Are you nervous?
Me: Strangely enough, yes. I have butterflies. I was just thinking to myself that I'm more nervous than I expected to be.
E: We are so nervous!

A few minutes later I was ushered into the ultra sound room where I quickly removed my shoes and clothes. I jumped up on the table and assumed the position. It was only a minute or two for the (weird) doctor to come waltzing in. (This time when he took my hand to shake it I firmly grasped his and looked him directly in the eyes, he looked away. Man, he wouldn't last a minute with my father.) I asked him if he had a problem with me calling the IP's so they could hear. He took a minute but eventually said okay. I called E and C and put them on speaker phone. I swear the (weird) doctor whispered the entire time. I had trouble hearing him and I was right there with him. UGH! So glad I won't have to see him again after this.

Anyway, he started with the normal measurements. Ovaries, no free fluid, la de la. I couldn't see the screen, I could hardly hear him and I'm going crazy. He moves on... fetal pole, yolk sac, sac size, cervical length. Suddenly the wand comes out, he prints a picture for me and says...

Congratulations! There is one baby with a heartbeat of 142, everything looks great!
I quickly picked up my phone and asked E if she heard that? Of course, she had not. Excitedly I said, THERE IS ONLY ONE BABY! I think I could hear the both of them jumping for joy! What a relief, for all of us! 



Monday, August 5, 2013

You Can Overcome Anything if You Don't Bellyache...

I bet E would trade places with me in a heartbeat. If she wouldn't, I personally know a few women that would. That is what I try and remind myself when I'm on the verge of tears because I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I'm normally a pretty tough girl. It takes a lot to break me down and that doesn't happen very often. Sadly, I hit my breaking point last week.

E sends me daily texts telling me that she is thinking about me and asking how I'm doing. Up until last week I would tell her I felt bad, but was doing okay. I think it was Friday that I woke up and thought about sending her a text letting her know I really felt like crap. I stopped myself the first few times but hit send on the last message I typed. I needed help.

Later that afternoon I got a phone call from J at Duke. She told me they were calling in Zofran and Promethazine and that I could take them every 12 hours. She warned me not to take the Promethazine unless I had help with the kids. Other suggestions were to drink Ginger Ale and eat a few crackers before getting out of bed, snack on peppermints, and take B-6. 

My amazing husband set out to get all the supplies needed to make me feel better again.

So here I am a few days later and I'm miserable. I'm giving myself progesterone injections that make me sick because I can taste/smell as it goes into my body. Every two days I'm changing estrogen patches that are leaving behind a rectangle rash that burns and itches. Daily I take a combination of prenatal vitamins, b-6, and folic acid that I can barely stomach swallowing. AND, every twelve hours I'm popping a Zofran or Phenergan hoping that this will be the time it really helps me.

The hardest part about all of this isn't being sick. It's not having energy because I'm sick. My house is a mess. I can't stand to cook. I don't have enough strength to play with my kids. It all makes me so sad.
Thank goodness I have such an amazing family. They are all so supportive and helpful. There has to be something about a man that can support his wife while she is doing something like this. He has just been so wonderful. 


So, after all my bellyaching I will just keep reminding myself...
There are so many other women that would do anything to be in my position.
Just make it through the first trimester, things are bound to get better.


I started bleeding and cramping again this weekend. It happened Saturday and lasted through out the day. During the middle of the night it had changed to brown blood and by the morning it was gone all together. Just my body keeping me on my toes, I guess.

August 12 can't get here soon enough. So anxious to know what is going on inside there. I will admit that I'm a little terrified of seeing 3 (or more) heartbeats. How many do you think we will see? 





Wednesday, July 31, 2013

O.D.A.A.T

One day at a time...
That is how I'm taking things.
I feel pregnant already. Do you think knowing that you are pregnant makes all the symptoms that much more noticeable?


Smells don't really bother me, except for bad breath and cat liter... but that isn't really new! :) I notice scent more but I seem to enjoy the enhanced ability more than I dislike it.

I already have food aversions and I swear my taste buds have taken a vacation. Things just don't taste as good as they smell. 

You know what does smell really yummy? Cascade. It never fails, every single pregnancy I love the smell of that stuff and my mind thinks it would be really yummy to eat. Not happening.
You know what doesn't smell or taste yummy? Progesterone injections. When I give myself injections I can taste it and smell it. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. Nasty.

And last... 

I feel so ill. I don't think I have ever felt so sick, not even with B's twins. It lasts all day and night. I have trouble sleeping and I don't want to eat or drink anything. I'm hanging on and hoping that I don't have to ask for Zofran again. I guess we will see how much longer I can handle this. 

12 more days until our ultrasound. YAY! 


Friday, July 26, 2013

BETA #'s Round Two...

After our first numbers I wondered what we would see today. I totally expected high numbers again but will admit that I was a little terrified of seeing extremely high numbers. 

I'm so very tired and haven't been sleeping well. This morning it took my alarm going off three times before I finally got out of bed. I hurried to the clinic and was in and out in a matter of minutes. 

I rested all morning with the phone nearby, willing myself to stay awake until I got the phone call. I even spent some time texting back and forth with E. I love hearing what she thinks about all of this! Her enthusiasm is contagious! 

It did not take as long for results today. I got the call from nurse J a few minutes ago and the numbers are....... 


1815!!!


Ultrasound is scheduled for August 12. Can't wait!! We will be 7 weeks and 1 day.

Here is another chart (gosh I love these) to give you all an idea of what these beta #s could mean!

16dp3dt

Singleton: 106, 144, 289, 298, 313, 624, 667, 750, 758, 780, 845, 860, 930, 935, 1147, 1326, 1400, 1515, 1540, 1574, 1947, 3000+, 3768

Twins: 498, 531, 878, 1028, 1142, 1284, 1450, 2007, 2450, 2490, 2965, 3904


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

BETA #'s

Today we are 14 days post 3 day transfer. Here is a chart to give you an idea of what numbers to expect...

Singleton: 110, 144, 161, 183, 189, 207, 219, 241, 258, 273, 278, 290, 300, 310, 311, 321, 371, 388.5, 390, 394, 420, 447, 450, 531, 658, 687, 775, 788, 813, 1458, 1531

Twins: 238, 254, 304, 326, 397, 562, 593, 623, 650, 735, 815, 826, 1007, 1120, 1433, 1469, 1952, 2175

Trips: 1197, 1250, 1400, 1448, 1642

I expected "high" numbers today. Picking up a faint positive on a pregnancy test assured me that it was at least 25. Getting a solid positive assured me that my levels would be at least 50. Throw in how sick I feel and I didn't expect anything less than 200.

I woke up this morning and took my final HPT. It was a nice dark positive! I went straight to the clinic afterwards. It is first come, first served and I happened to be the only one there. I got in and out in a matter of minutes. As I was leaving the nurse told me that they would have the results at noon and fax them over to Duke ASAP. I sent E a text and let her know I was done and to expect the results by noon. We planned for her to call at one to see if the results were in.
Thankfully I spent the day at the beach with the kids and friends. They helped the time fly by! But... at one I was texting E asking if she had heard anything. Nothing. Ugh. I think I checked my phone every five minutes.

Finally at 2:02pm I got the call from my favorite nurse, J. Are you ready for this... 580!! I immediately pulled up my blog to go back and compare our #s with B's. Before I could get there E called me and said she was doing the same thing! :) 458. That is what my first Beta results were with B.

I'm excited for Friday to get here. Can't wait to see what the next set of numbers are!

Worry Can Sneak Up On You...

This is another one of those posts that won't be published the day it was typed.
Yesterday morning I took another pregnancy test. Here is what it looked like. 

I sent E a text with the picture and a message saying that I was confident that it worked! She called me before I could even set my phone down. The excitement in her voice warmed my heart. There is nothing like that feeling.

Today is day 11 and I started cramping and bleeding. It isn't a large amount of blood and it isn't consistent, just off and on throughout the day. I'm worried. I'm trying to stay positive and reassure myself but it's very difficult. I know there is nothing that I can do but wait.
I'm thinking about calling the Fertility Center here and seeing if they will do a BETA test tomorrow and Wednesday instead of Wednesday and Friday. I hate this feeling. The last thing I want to do is call E and tell her that it didn't work after all. Not after hearing the excitement in her voice. I don't want to fail her.

Day 12. The red bleeding has turned to brown blood. That is great! Makes me feel so much better! I have cramps off and on during the day that are pretty uncomfortable so I'm still a little worried. Only 2 more days until we get to know the #'s! Thinking positive thoughts.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

"Don't Jinx It"

I'm back to wondering about everything but so afraid to say anything out loud. I wouldn't want to jinx it! So, I thought I would type it all and leave it unpublished for a while.
I came home feeling exhausted. I spent a couple of days in and out of bed, taking naps. I also feel so sick. It lasts almost all day long and is driving me crazy. I think it's all in my mind until I eat and realize, no... it is really there. Although my boobs don't seem to be fuller, they do hurt when I walk up and down the stairs. In addition to all of this, I have to pee a lot more than normal.

Does all of this mean it worked? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Could it all just be side effects from the medication? Waiting isn't fun at all.
At least it's only two more days until Home Pregnancy Test day. 


Today is day 7. I decided to test. I got a really, really faint positive. I'm cramping a little and I still feel pretty sick. I ended up going to the store and buying more tests. I'm going to test again tomorrow. 

Day 8. Another faint positive but this one is darker, not a squinter like the last one. I'm still cramping a little, especially on my lower right sight. I guess it isn't really cramping as much as it is pulling. I also feel so sick, all day long. I guess it isn't my mind playing tricks on me after all.Day 9. The cramping/pulling is more intense. It's a sharp stabbing feeling on the right side, at my bikini line, that seems to come and go throughout the day. TMI AHEAD -> I have a warm, clear discharge that seems to have thickened just a little in the last couple of days. It all reminds me so much of sensations you get during ovulation, but it isn't quite the same.
I'm getting headaches daily now too. The biggest change so far, food is starting to taste different and smell funny.
Seriously, if my mind is playing tricks on me... it is doing a great job. 

Here is a little something to show you what is going on right now.

3-Day Transfer

Days Past
Transfer (DPT)
 Embryo Development
 OneThe embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
 TwoThe cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
 ThreeThe blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell 
 FourThe blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
 FiveThe blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation 
 SixImplantation continues
 SevenImplantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop 
 EightHuman chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream 
 NineFetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted 
 TenFetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted  
 ElevenLevels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I'm seeing RED...

Getting to North Carolina wasn't an easy task. First, Joelie had dance class on Tuesday and there was no way I was going to miss that! So, plans were made to leave directly from class to the airport. With traffic, the GPS taking us the wrong direction, and a little over one hour to make it, we were lucky for me to get there in plenty of time to make it through security. 

As I rushed to my gate I noticed on the monitors that my flight was delayed. So I sat out in search of some healthy food (not an easy task) and a place to charge my phone (also not an easy task). After chowing down a veggie wrap I found a charging station at my gate. As soon as I sat down our flight was delayed again... and again. Luckily the people around me were good company and helped pass the time. 

I don't even remember what time we actually boarded the plane. As I was getting seated I noticed a lady with a young son looking for her seat. I was pretty sure she was sitting beside me and tried to help her. I quickly noticed she didn't speak English and that she had a letter tied to her neck (I could only make out that she flew in on Lufthansa). I checked her tickets and could see that her son was sitting next to me and she was across the isle. I checked with the pilot and made sure that it was okay for me to move to her seat so that she could sit with her son.
I ended up next to an older gentleman from Pennsylvania. He told me about moving from Paris to New York 30 years ago. We also talked about his recent visit to Austin and how strange the roads were (haha, I have been saying that exact thing about the roads in New Jersey). He asked me why do all of those people gather under the bridges when it get dark? Bats! He was shocked! All of this happened while we sat, waiting... on the runway.

We finally landed in North Carolina ten minutes before midnight. 
I got settled in my hotel room and set everything up for the following day. I made sure all my medications, food, and water were in reach from my bed.
Once again E left me a bag with snacks, fruit, water, and a very sweet letter. 

Early the next morning the fertility clinic called to move our appointment, for the third time. They also called E to let her know that 2 of the 3 embryos didn't make it and they were going to thaw 2 more.
We toured the city and Duke University before heading to the clinic. Once we got there we were taken back pretty quickly.
I changed into my gown and E changed into her scrubs. We met with the doctor who went over the transfer and the embryos. We ended up with two 10 cell and one 3 cell. This time our color was red.
It's strange how the same procedure can be so different with a different doctor. This time around I could feel a lot more. It was really uncomfortable and actually hurt a little bit.
We had asked the clinic about allowing us to stay in the room with me on the table at an angle for a few minutes after the procedure. They agreed, but one doctor sent E an email saying that recent medical articles showed that it didn't really help. Oh well. It wouldn't hurt.
E said a friend told her that laughing afterwards would also help. Thankfully our conversations were pretty funny! After 20 minutes of sharing laughs we got up. I emptied my very full bladder (gosh that hurts) and changed back into my clothes. We got our discharge papers and headed back to the hotel.

Once there, I grabbed a pillow and plopped down on top of it lifting my butt into the air. I stayed that way while I ate my pineapple (another one of those things we read about that might help). I stayed in bed for five hours before I got up. E brought over some dinner (she makes a great avocado salad) and kept me company for a few minutes. After she left it was back to bed.
I go home Friday afternoon and have to wait until July 24th for our first test. I have high hopes that all the "tricks" paid off and that at least one of these three little embryos are going to stick!! GO RED GO! 

Saturday, June 15, 2013

A New Chance To Try Again...

A couple of days after our BETA test results, Duke Fertility advised me to stop taking all medications. I was told that my uterus lining would shed and that we would just have to wait until my next period to start again.
Can I just tell you that waiting a month while going through something like this seems like it takes forever. Well, the day finally came. I'm back on patches and will start over with the same medication schedule we used the first time.
I have talked to E about making a few minor changes this time to help increase our odds. My good friend Krystal, who is also a surrogate, shared notes and tips with me that I hope will help. The medication from Duke will stay the same but I'm going to add a daily dose of baby Aspirin to the mix. It is said that a combination of the aspirin with progesterone helps women who have had miscarriages. I'm also going to stay on the exam table, at a tilted angle for 15-20 minutes, if the doctors will allow it. Last, I'm going to go straight to the hotel, prop my butt up on a pillow and read... for days. It may all be in my head, it may not "really" make a difference but I believe it can only help.

I'm really excited to have the opportunity to try again. Lots of hopes and prayers appreciated!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

BETA TESTING DAY

It has finally been two weeks and beta testing day has arrived! 

E has to be one of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She sent me a text last night asking how I was feeling. I told her how nervous I was. She told me that she was nervous too but was at peace with whatever happens and so thankful for me.
I told her that I planned to take a home pregnancy test in the morning and asked if she wanted me to send her a picture. She said yes.

"If it is negative remember we have been through this before. So we are just so thankful for the chance!"  


This morning arrived at an early 5:30am. I just couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and told myself to just stay in bed until 6:30am. I didn't want to test too soon. I needed to make sure there was enough time between the last time I went to the bathroom and the first morning pee. Crazy. I know. I settled for 6:00am. As I sat down and unwrapped the package I said a silent prayer.
It seemed like it took forever for the urine to move across the testing window. I looked down and saw one line, and then one line. I twisted and turned the stick trying to see the second line but it just wasn't there.

Then I remembered that I told E I would send her a pic and my heart dropped. Could I really send her a picture of this? I thought about it and thought about and finally decided that I had to. 6:54am. Sent.

I held out hope that maybe the beta test would show something different. I searched the internet for people in the same situation that ended up with a BFP. I found a few. I went to the lab at 9am and had my blood drawn. From there it would go to Austin and once the results were in they would be faxed to Duke.
So I waited and hoped. 


2:02pm a strange doctor calls to tell me that they have the beta results. They are negative. No numbers, nothing more. Just, sorry... it didn't work.

My heart breaks for E and C.

Two Week Wait

The two week wait has to be the most awful part of procedures like this. It's almost like a timer is set, going backwards, the moment you get off the table. Suddenly you can feel every cramp, pull, and twinge. You question everything. Could that be implantation? Could it be my body rejecting the embryo?
Oh, and that is just the beginning. Throw in the added hormones pumping through your body and suddenly you "feel" pregnant. Your boobs are bigger, swollen, and tender. You get tired easily and feel nauseous throughout the day. Plus your nose is working overtime and you can smell things from a mile away. You know progesterone side effects mimic pregnancy. You remind yourself of that daily but everything your feeling is so intense, it has to be more than just a side effects from those pesky injections. Right?
You spend two weeks staring at yourself in the mirror and questioning anything and everything. Sure, you could cheat and take a HPT but you are strongly urged not to. So you just wait.
And then comes beta testing day...


Monday, April 29, 2013

Team Purple!

Tuesday (April 23) morning we arrived at the Fertility Center and got checked in. I think the ladies at the front desk were just as excited for the day as we were! You could see it in their smiles that reached all the way up to their eyes. C was already there waiting. While we were sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called back one of the nurses called my cell and asked me if I planned to make it in for transfer?! I think we were both really confused when I told her that we were sitting in the waiting room.
It wasn't long until we were called back and ushered into at tiny glass room. Inside was a large exam chair covered in a blanket with a gown and paper "blanket" setting on top. Another smaller chair set beside the wall. On it set surgical coverups with a hairnet and booties.
I quickly changed into the hospital gown with my slipper socks and hairnet. E slipped her lovely attire over her clothes and we sat and waited. The nurse came in and talked to us a couple of times before Dr. S came in and went over the embryos and procedure with us.

They used a different grading system than the one OU Fertility used so I wasn't sure at the time what it all I meant. I later looked it up and found out.
They defrosted two embryos from a purple petri dish. One of them graded 9 and .075. The other graded 8 and .075. What does that mean? I think it means that one was 9 cells, the other was 8 cells and both had .025% fragmentation. I could be wrong? What I do know is that it was great news!

The nurses walked us down the hallway to the procedure room. Things happened so quickly that I didn't have a lot of time to look around and take in my surroundings. What I do remember is the exam table and the chair setting next to it. E sat down in the chair while I climbed on the table and untied my gown. I assumed the position, you know... scoot all the way down and place your legs in the stirrups.
The monitor was to my left at stomach level. There was a microphone that dropped down from the ceiling and a TV screen to the right. Dr. S began by cleaning my uterus. It did not feel quite as strange as it did the first time and I don't think it took nearly as long as before. The other doctor (I forget his name) held the wand over my abdomen to help Dr. S guide the catheter into my uterus. I had to talk to the invincible lady in the microphone and state my name and what I was there for. She than showed the embryos on the large TV screen on the right side of the room.
Once Dr. S had the catheter in place he called out to the lady in the microphone that we were ready. With the tilt of the bed I wasn't able to see how everything happened so I just watched the monitor. I could see the two tiny white bubbles again. They shot up and floated until the rested beside my uterus wall. Amazing! Dr. S checked to make sure the catheter was empty, it was, and we were done. 

I walked back to the glass room and got dressed.
Back in the waiting room we greeted C and told him we were all done! E went and got one of the front desk ladies to come and take a picture of the three of us. I couldn't tell but I think the lady had tears in her eyes. I love that about this Fertility Clinic, they seem like family to one another.
I left with instructions to continue my estrogen patches and progesterone shots. I also had orders to have my blood drawn to check HCG levels on May 7th and again on May 9th.
I was told NOT to take a HPT but that seems like pure torture!! Because there are only 12 days between the transfer date and first blood draw I can't really take a HPT until the same day as the blood draw any way. So I guess we will just wait.

************************************STICKY DUST*****************************************************

North Carolina Bound

One thing about doing a transfer outside of the state is having to wait until the last minute to book a flight. If anyone has ever had to do it, you know exactly what I mean. The pickings are slim. I ended up leaving Austin Monday afternoon. But before I could get to North Carolina I had to fly down to Houston. Crazy. Luckily, there wasn't a big layover in-between. I was really concerned that we would be delayed with all the air traffic control delays but thankfully both flights were right on time!

When I arrived in NC both E and C were there to pick me up. It was my first time actually meeting C in person. It was kind of funny. I sat there thinking that he was nothing like I expected and looked much younger than he did in pictures.

I think that is when it occurred to me that during this process it is really hard not to compare your previous journey with the current one, and I had totally been doing that. Especially because E and B are friends.
Both B,C and E,C are beautiful people. You know, the kind that seem flawless. Perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Perfect skin. But they are really quite different in so many other ways. I think my journey with B and C caused me to shield myself a little from E and C but I didn't realize that until the moment we sat down to dinner.
E and C took me to Maggiano's Little Italy. The food was amazing and the company was pretty entertaining! I felt so comfortable with them and was able to relax and enjoy myself. 

I have to say... at one point during the conversation C said that is cray cray! I LOL'd because earlier that day I said the same thing while dropping my 12 year old off at school. He scolded me and told me NEVER to say that again! HAHA! Just wait until you have pre-teens, C. We are never as cool as we think we are!

When I walked into my hotel room I was surprised to see that E had left me a card and gift bag. The bag was full of snacks and goodies to cover my few days there. Such a sweet gesture.
I honestly spent my time at the hotel laid out on the king size bed with my laptop, kindle, and phone. I may or may not have set the snacks on the bed too...

I had trouble sleeping that night, but that isn't anything new for me. I'm not sure if it is the added hormones that make it difficult or something else all together. I did manage to get up in time the next day to take a shower and have breakfast before E came to get me at 8:45am. Off we went to our 9am appointment! 

Friday, April 26, 2013

Imperfection is Beauty

April 16th was my final appointment with Texas Fertility before transfer. Of course, after hearing that you have an imperfect uterus it's hard not to obsessively worry that it could happen again. The doctor was running late but I was told she was on her way and to go ahead and undress. I took the time to over think and drive myself crazy. It actually didn't take long before she came in and really only took a few seconds for her to do the actual exam. She said, "Everything looks great!". By great she meant that my uterus lining was 13mm's thick. What does that mean? The clinic wanted to see 7mm... pretty sure that means my uterus was PERFECT! :)
 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Medication Administration Instructions

I thought I would post this for those of you that may be curious...

Day 1: Apply 2 patches (Estrogen) 

Day 3: Apply 2 new patches 
Day 5: Apply 2 new patches 
Day 7: Apply 3 new patches
Day 9: Apply 3 new patches 
Day 11: Apply 4 new patches 
Day 13: Apply 4 new patches 
Day 15: Apply 4 new patches and have ultrasound to check uterus lining.

If everything looks okay with my lining I will decrease the patches to 2 per day, changing every other day, and start injecting Progesterone Oil once daily.

As of right now we are looking at transfer taking place the week of April 22. So exciting! 

Ready... Set...GO!!!

Did I already say that things never seem to go as planned? A few weeks ago E and I had a conference call with the fertility clinic to discuss dates. They thought it would be a good idea for me to stop taking birth control a week early. The thought was that in doing so I would start my period early. Ha! Sure, in a perfect world.
I was beginning to think that I would just skip the month all together. I must admit, it made me feel awful. I hated the thought of E having to wait another month when she had already been waiting for so long. I was thrilled, no seriously... thrilled!! when my period started on April Fools Day! Mother Nature is funny isn't she?!
I sent E a text letting her know and she contacted D Fertility to get things moving. Boy are they fast!

My first appointment was this morning to have my ovaries checked at Texas Fertility. Let me just say that having that done while on your period isn't fun, at all. The good news is that my ovaries were clear! No cysts!
After that I went to the lab to have blood work done. I didn't get to hear the results before D Fertility closed, but I'm hoping everything was fine.
I ended up making it home just in time to sign for my medication and ended the day with my final step... starting Estrogen patches.
Here we go again!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Sign on the dotted line...

If I have learned anything during my surrogate journey, it's that none of this is easy and often things don't go as planned. I never imagined that it would take 7 months to go from my first meeting with E to getting our contract signed. 

It wasn't long after the polyps incident that I found out our medical insurance was changing. Cigna decided not to renew with Google so we were forced to find another insurance company. During our research I called to double check on surrogacy coverage and none of the new plans available had it.
I dreaded that phone call to E. I was sure this was going to cause big problems for us. What we did have on our side was my good friend Krystal. During her surrogate pregnancy the intended parents provided her medical coverage. Armed with the company information in hand, I called E and gave her all the information. We were both worried that private insurance was going to be unaffordable. In the end, the insurance company ended up working out. We sent in all the necessary paperwork and coverage began on February first.

With the insurance changes came mega contract negotiations. E and I sat and watched as our lawyers picked through the insurance portion of the contract bit by bit. It was all about protecting both of us, but I think we were just ready to get things moving. It's hard to explain to a lawyer that when working with someone directly like we are, there is a level of trust that just exists. Nope, lawyers don't get that at all!

Finally, yesterday 4 copies of the 55 page contrat arrived in the mail! Of course, keeping the theme going... things can never be easy. Casey is out of town for the week so we have to wait for him to return to get all the copies signed, dated, and notarized. Once that is done we will make a copy and overnight it to Duke! After Duke has the copy we will start medication!
I haven't paid a lot of attention to the dates, but according to E if we start medication in the next week we can do the transfer in 5 weeks and have the baby right before Christmas! Sounds like perfect timing if you ask me <3 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Imperfect Uterus

Finding out about the polyps on my uterus was really hard for me. I had never had something like them before and not knowing exactly what was going on, was killing me. I tried not to worry about them, but I couldn't help it. Besides the fear of having uterine cancer I was scared to death of having surgery. 

I trusted Dr Shah and his opinion but I also knew that I wasn't his number one priority. So, I made an appointment to see Dr. Campaigne when I returned home. I knew that she would be honest and tell me everything I needed to hear. I'm pretty sure if she had not become an OB, that she would have been a therapist! She's just so great at listening and offering advice.
I left there knowing that I didn't have to get the surgery if I didn't want to. It wasn't required for me to have another child of my own. She did suggest I keep my appointment with Texas Fertility just to see what they had to say. 


A week later I had my first visit with Dr. Silverberg at Texas Fertility Center. He seemed to be a little more concerned about the polyps and talked me into having the hysterscopy. The surgery was pretty uneventful. I was in and out in a few hours with just some mild cramps.
I had  to wait almost a month for the results. I called just about everyday for my results but no one returned my phone calls. When I finally went in for my post-op Dr. Silverberg realized that they never got my test results back. I waited over an hour while they called CPL but they never came. I'm assured that they must have been clear and was told not to worry. That isn't the easiest thing to do.

Dr. Silverberg sent his "findings" to Dr. Shah and we were approved to move on to the next step. 

If only things were that easy...