Hospital Recovery

I had to spend just under one hour in the recovery room. It wasn't too bad but I was ready to get to my own room and start my real recovery. I was also ready to see B, C, and the girls. I didn't even meet Macy-Dean when she was born.
I had learned while waiting that they were not given a room either and were hanging out in the delivery room. I invited them to come and stay with me in mine. 

I was given a room close to the nursery. I could tell by the sound of things outside my door that it was a busy day in labor and delivery.
The nurses gave me medication to help calm my stomach, my first dose of "every 6 hour" Motrin, and antibiotics. I felt and looked puffy from all the extra fluid and my stomach was still turning causing me to throw up... but I felt great! I didn't even mind that I still had the catheter in. 

Shortly after getting settled in B, C, and the girls came in. What a sight to see! The love on their faces as they interacted with the girls and each other was the most rewarding sight I have ever seen. It made every bit of the struggles, pains, and not so perfect labor worth it. I couldn't have been more proud to be a part of something so amazing.
Casey showed up a while later. I was so happy to see him but the visit didn't last long... the medication I was given had made me drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life.
Because L&D was so busy there wasn't enough room for B and C to stay. I told them they could stay with me in the room but they insisted on getting a hotel room, so everyone could get some rest. I felt so bad with them having to leave. I can't imagine it was easy for B. 

The coolest part about my recovery in the hospital was spending it with B and C and the girls instead of just being there alone. They spent a lot of time hanging out with me in my room. I got to learn more about them and discovered a different side of C that I had no idea existed. He was amazing! They let me help with the girls and I got to hold them both for long periods of time. Something I never imagined being able to do.
I really enjoyed watching them "become parents". They were both so wonderful at it! Such naturals. They were also really really funny! I wish I could put into words and recreate the first diaper changes :) and swaddles!
I tried to offer support and advice the best I could, without being a know-it-all. I even tried helping B with breastfeeding... which I might add... it isn't an easy task nursing twins!! I'm still in awe of what an amazing job she did with it!

I'm so thankful that B and C allowed me to share those two days with them and the girls. They made me feel like I was so much more than just a surrogate.

My recovery was pretty easy overall. It took a little getting used to not being able to move like normal. I was never in any real pain but it was uncomfortable trying to get up and down off of the bed. Of course having to lug around a urine collection bag made things that much more difficult. For some reason my urine was really concentrated and no matter how much I had to drink I couldn't produce enough urine for them to be okay with taking the catheter out.
I didn't take anything other than Motrin for pain. I never felt like the pain was so unbearable that I needed something stronger. I did accept some milk of magnesia the 2nd night when the bloating and gas pains were unbearable and was so happy I did. The next day I felt much better.

The only other part of recovery that was hard was the swelling. I think I expected it to get much better after delivery but instead it got worse and was so uncomfortable.

I was so excited when midwife L and Dr C showed up and confirmed I only had to stay two nights! I was also thrilled when Casey brought Joelie up to visit me. I missed her like crazy. We took her to the gift shop and she helped pick out gifts for the girls!

Scalpel? Check!

Midwife L said, "I think she is saying she wants a c-section." Dr C looked at me and asked, "Do you want a c-section?" I shook my head yes.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.

The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon? 
11:06am How are you doing? 
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates? 


I responded at 1:24pm. 

His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.

<3 

Next stop... recovery. 

What Happens Now?

This isn't the easiest thing to put into words. I've thought about it for days. I've replayed the whole thing in my head more times than I can count. It's very emotional for me.

I think that I expected something more to happen once Hudson made her grand entrance. Instead, I felt nothing. There were no more contractions. There was no pain. I just felt...  normal.
Dr C grabbed the ultrasound wand and the look on her face spoke more to me than anything else. It was that look and the slight shaking of her head that sent my head spinning. She tried to push my stomach in hopes that Macy would move, but it didn't work. 
I remember trying to focus on Macy-Dean. I tried to feel where she was, what she was doing. Had she moved at all? I knew she wasn't head down. I knew she was still so high up, I could feel her. I knew this wasn't a good start. My mind was racing and for the first time in the history of my giving birth, I was scared to death.

We started out with Dr C reaching inside of me and trying to either pull Macy down, or turn her around, I couldn't really tell which one. I remember the pain. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It hurt but in a really uncomfortable way, not in a stabbing pain way. I know at some point the nurses started Pitocin to bring the contractions back. It didn't seem to take long for them to kick back in but I'm pretty sure that I had no concept of time during any of this.
During each contraction Dr C would reach inside of me and grab Macy while I pushed. I would feel the pressure like she was moving but the moment the contraction was over I could feel this almost suction-like-feeling grabbing Macy back up. With each push and each suction-like-feeling I grew more and more discouraged and so tired. When Midwife L came into the room her soft voice and soothing touch brought me back to the fight but in the middle of all of it I noticed something... the nurses comments had changed. They were no longer saying, "you can do this". 
I remember pausing and just trying to sit through the contractions. I didn't want to push anymore. I just wanted to rest and think about what was happening. I knew that B was right beside me, encouraging me... but was she the only one saying "those words"?  Had everyone else given up?
I wanted to keep fighting. I didn't want to give up and I'm pretty sure Dr C would have stood by my side and let me fight as long as I wanted to. At some point during everything she offered an epidural and to let me rest and try again later but the thought of coming back and being in the same exact position was too much for me to handle. She asked me if I wanted a c-section and all I could do was shake my head no. I didn't want one. I didn't want for B and C to have to pay more for a c-section. I didn't want to stay in the hospital for 3 days by myself. I didn't want to be cut open. No. I didn't want a c-section.
Dr C also asked me if I wanted to call Casey and talk to him about it. Oh my gosh, Casey! He had no idea what was going on. It had been a good 2-3 hours from the last time I talked to him. No! I didn't want to call him. I didn't want him to know how much pain I was in, or that I was about to give up. I didn't want to disappoint him.

Asking for a c-section was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was admitting defeat. It was admitting that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. It was losing control...

Should I Stay, or Go?

On February 22 around 4pm one of my friends sent me a message asking how I was feeling. This was my reply to her... "I'm feeling really good. Swelling hurts. I'm having contractions off and on and have a lot of butt and vagina pressure. 
I don't feel like labor is close."

By 8pm the contractions were coming in about 12 minutes apart. I had already taken a shower so I decided to go for a walk with my son to see if anything would change. No change. I ended up going to bed and just keeping track of the contractions. By 10pm they were 7 minutes apart. I called B to give her a heads up that I may be heading in to labor and delivery and called the doctors office to see what they thought I should do.

At 10:30pm we loaded up and headed to the hospital. When we got there we were met by the office midwife, L. I was checked (4cm's) and hooked up to monitors. The contractions got closer together, about 5 minutes apart.
L talked about letting me go home to labor on my own. Although it may seem odd to some people, it's one of the many things I love about the practice we found. They are very supportive of women being in control of their bodies.
Before making a decision about going home L checked to see if there were any changes. Yep! 5cm's! It was midnight and we were being admitted.

Casey went home to be with the kids and I was moved to a labor and delivery room. Contractions were steady all night but outside of going from 85% effaced to 100% effaced, my cervix stayed the same.
B and C drove straight through and ended up making it to the hospital a little after 5am. I got up and walked around a bit and the three of us ended up taking a little nap.

Dr C came in about 8am and broke my water. Still 5cm's and 100% effaced. I was excited to see that I could make progress without pitocin! The contractions were painful and I could tell they were doing their job. Around 9:30am we were at 7.5 cm's!

C was still sleeping through the fun but B was there keeping me company. I had my headphones on and tried listening to my music to keep my mind off the contractions. It worked until someone like Madonna or Alanis came on. :)

Around 10am Dr C came in and checked me again. I told her I felt like I needed to push but when she checked I was only 9cm's. She waited until I had a contraction and could feel that my cervix changed to 10 cm's when I pushed. So off to the operating room we went (standard practice when delivering twins).
B got her scrubs on and followed us to the OR. C waited back in the room. I was moved from my somewhat comfy bed to a itty bitty cot. I kept thinking what on earth am I going to hold on to when it comes time to push? There were no bars. Nothing. Thank goodness there were a handful of nurses in there to offer me hands to hold.

I started pushing a little after 10am. I pushed with all my might but Hudson wasn't budging. I could tell that with every push Dr C was having to help guide her, or move things... it's hard to explain. It was after a few pushes that Dr C asked if I wanted a catheter. I took it, hoping it would help. A few pushes later and Hudson was born, a tiny 6lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long and perfect!

I remember looking over at B and I could tell she had already fallen in love! It was the sweetest thing ever. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to have B in the room with me. She was so amazing and supportive the entire time. I can remember early conversations we would have about her "watching" and how weird it would be. None of that mattered. She was just so wonderful and I couldn't have done it without her.

Of course things didn't end here...

Active Labor!

Had our last office visit today just one day shy of 37 weeks and we are in stage 1, active labor! 4 cm's dilated and 80% effaced! How exciting!
We are still planning to induce Monday morning. I wonder if we will make it? I'm feeling great (outside of a head cold). I'm having contractions daily but nothing consistant. I noticed this weekend that the pain from the contractions feels different. I feel them more in my back and down my thighs vs all over my tummy. I'm sure that's just a sign of the pain to come. That's okay... BRING IT ON!

I'm so so so excited! I can't wait to see B and C with their girls! This has been such an amazing adventure and I'm so glad I was able to share it with such a wonderful couple!  Can't wait for Monday!

Happy 9 Months!!

Well we made it to 36 weeks with flying colors. The girls are happy, healthy, and cozy in there. I don't think I ever really had a doubt that we would make it this far. As a matter of fact, I have no doubt that we will make it to our induction date.
I'm so excited that we are in the final stretch and that B and C will soon have two beautiful little girls! I can't wait to see all the love and joy on their faces when they finally meet! (I need to remember to take my camera to get some pictures of the new family).

I'm looking forward to getting my body back. The swelling and discomfort have been really really hard on me. I can't even bend my toes, feet, or legs without it hurting and my hands are always throbbing. You know what else I'm looking forward to? Sleeping on my stomach! I miss it... wait... I miss it and sleeping in general!
In the last few weeks I started getting fluid build up under my belly button. It's the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever have. I'm not even sure how to describe the pain. I can't apply pressure to my lower stomach, so no low pants. I can't sit where my stomach touches anything, or it's self because it stings. Just a really odd pain to have and a really odd location.

I'm excited for the final 13 days of our journey. I'm happy to have been a part of something so amazing, no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. <3

35 Week Appointment

This weekend I noticed that there was a mushy bulge under my belly button. That part of my stomach isn't hard and droops down quit a bit. It's sort of hard to explain. It's not something I ever experienced with my previous pregnancies. It feels bruised when I touch it and it's uncomfortable. I started freaking myself out thinking it was the placenta and started worrying that it wasn't normal. I asked about it this morning at our appointment and Dr C said it was a build up of fluid just like in my legs and feet. It's so nasty!

B was able to come down to meet Dr C and see her girls! I was so thrilled listening to her chit chat with Dr C. They both seemed really comfortable with one another. I really like Dr C and I adore B so it was nice seeing them so relaxed with one another!!
Dr C went over breech delivery with B. I'm pretty sure she was able to put her mind at ease... I hope! They even discussed haircare products for curly hair! :)

We left our first appointment and went to Torchys Tacos for breakfast. If you are ever in Austin, you have to go there! Amazing!
We ate our breakfast burritos, and chips with queso and guacamole. It was actually really nice just chit chatting and getting to know one another better. I really like B!

We went back to the doctor at 11 to have our sonogram. The set up wasn't as "high tech" as the old Dr C's but I don't think either of us minded.
I knew before going into the scan that Macy-Dean wasn't  in the same position that she was in due to her movements. I had really hoped she was head down, but she wasn't. Boo! She did migrate a little to the left. Her head is right under Hudson's butt, under my left ribs. Her body wraps straight down my body with her bottom right next to Hudson's head. She measured in at 5lbs 14oz. Hudson is still in the same position, chilling on my cervix behind all that cushiony fluid. Her body wraps up my left side with her bottom under my ribs and her knees tucked into her chest. She measured in at 5lbs 7oz. 
I'm hoping with the postions the way they are now that once Hudson is born Macy-Dean will just flip right around and come out head first too! We shall see!

Induction is in the books. February 27 at 8am. 20 more days!