Around 8:30 Dr. C came in to check on me. I didn't even have to ask, I could tell when she checked me that there wasn't a change. I had officially labored for more than 12 hours and nothing was happening. I felt so defeated. We sat and talked about all of our options from getting an epidural to having a c-section. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I got up and went into the bathroom to clear my head. While sitting there I tried my hardest to focus on the goal at hand. I thought about going ahead with a c-section. I knew I did well handling labor all day but the thought of another 12 hours with no change scared the crap out of me.
I walked out of the bathroom and asked Dr. C if we could take the wand out and stop the Pit. I asked her if she could just give me a break. Of course she wasn't too keen on the idea and assured me that it would be a step backward. I told her that I needed the wand out. She said she couldn't. I told her that I was pretty sure it was falling out again anyway. We chatted for a few minutes about other options and agreed to try some bigger position changes to get the baby to flip.
I turned and told C and E that I had to kick them out for a little while. I just needed some time to think and focus. I also needed some time to talk to Dr. C alone.
We discussed my fears and our options. I told her that my biggest regret with the twins birth was giving up and having a c-section instead of trying harder, longer with baby b. I knew that no matter what, I wouldn't give in that easily again. She suggested that I try an epidural before making major decisions.
Before she left the room Dr. C made sure that nurse S was okay with the wand being removed. She was. Funny enough, it was barely hanging in there.
Dr. C left the room and Nurse S didn't waste any time getting me into position.
I stood up pulling my left leg up and onto the bed. With the next three contractions I twisted and tilted toward my leg. I felt nothing, just contractions. I told S that I wanted to go back to the bathroom for a few minutes. We got all the machines moved so that I could reach the toilet while still being connected. I sat down and felt a rush of so many different emotions.
I shut all my thoughts down and focused on each contraction. I thought about moving the baby down and making something happen. I pushed through each contraction with all my might. This was it. I had to make something happen. I couldn't go too much longer, I just didn't have the strength.
Within minutes I was shaking. I couldn't tell if it was from fear or something else. I knew I was exhausted. I knew that I was terrified that things would end with a c-section. I thought my body was responding to all the emotions I felt at that moment. I asked S to go ahead and get an epidural for me.
It wasn't until I got up to return to the bed that I realized that something had changed. I could feel the baby low enough that I had trouble walking. I asked S to call Dr. C back into the room.
When she walked in I laughed and told her that if there wasn't a change this time, I was leaving. She quickly checked me and in an instant I knew that we were on our way. 8cms, just like that! That shaking wasn't fear, it was transition. The contractions were coming back to back and were so much more intense. Dr. C grabbed my phone and I helped her get to the text messages. At 10:10pm she sent a text to E that said...
Come back its Dr.C Things are getting exciting.
I remember telling Dr. C that we didn't need the epidural, that I would be fine. At one point I looked up and there was a bar in front of me. The bottom of the bed was dropped down leaving my legs lower than the rest of my body. I was in a semi upright position. I closed my eyes and grabbed the bars squeezing with all of my might through each contraction.
I heard C and E come back into the room but I didn't open my eyes to greet them. I was in the zone and didn't want to step out of it.
Dr. C had me change positions again. I threw my legs up over the bars and used them to pull and push at the same time. I could feel my body responding rapidly. I focused on pushing through each contraction and sometimes pushed from one contraction to the next without stopping. When I felt my bladder leaking I freaked out just a little bit. I was so afraid she was going to get stuck just like Joelie, like baby A. I shook it off and started chanting in my head, "move her, don't think about your bladder". I heard Dr. C coaching me and I hung on to her every word. She cheered me on and gave me something to cling to. I pushed and pushed until I could feel her head emerge. What an amazing feeling... painful, but at the same time, so much relief. When Dr. C told me not to push I stopped. I could feel her slide her shoulders out and that was it. I made it. I did it!
When I finally opened my eyes the first thing I did was look at the baby. I wanted to make sure she was perfect, and she was. So perfect! I looked up at C and E and fought back the tears. I could see it all over their faces, they were already so in love with her.
Suddenly nothing else mattered. The trials in the beginning of our journey, the morning sickness, the crazy NJ doctors, the uncomfortable pregnancy, the painfully long labor... it was all well worth it.
Baby Lucy was born at 10:51PM weighing in at 7lbs 15oz.
This will go down in the books as LLL.
Longest time being pregnant.
Longest labor.
Largest baby.
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