I knew after our first visit that Dr. S had never worked with an gestational surrogate let alone an IVF patient before. I thought I would be able to hang with him and help him learn along the way, but the longer I looked at the order they sent home with me the more I realized that I couldn't do this. The entire pregnancy I would be treated as high risk because I'm 35, but mainly because he doesn't know any better. Our due date would always be a week off because he didn't understand how the transfer date established the due date. Outside of that he doesn't perform any scans or blood work in office and I would have to travel 2 hours round trip to have them done. The icing on top was hearing that Joelie could not accompany me to the clinic to have the scan, but if I had to bring her she could wait with the ladies in the reception area. Not something I wanted to do. So, I called Monday and cancelled my appointments. I let E know that I wouldn't be returning to Dr. S and that we needed to search for a new doctor that was familiar with IVF, and closer to home. I asked a local moms group for advice and started a list to send to E.
Of course it was no surprise that Dr. S called C and that C called me. I answered that phone call knowing what was coming and I was PISSED. I felt like a damn child. These two doctors thought they would get together and chat about the crazy, over aged, high risk pregnant lady that didn't show up to her appointment. I listened as C told me he had my back and in the same breath talked about how amazing Dr. S was, based on his research. C understood my not wanting to go back but 'suggested' that I reconsider. I listened. I bet anyone having a conversation with C would be able to tell he's a doctor. He is good at what he does. He has great communication skills and is really good at being positive in is responses. Only, it wasn't working on me. I left the conversation the same way I came into it, PISSED.
Let me just throw something out there for those of you that may not know. Gestational Carriers are used up until age 42, with most companies. It's understood that maternal age has nothing to do with the development and risks of a baby that doesn't biologically belong to the carrier. Being treated as high risk and having extra testing done is not only unnecessary it can also be costly when insurance doesn't cover the tests. I'm familiar enough with the ins and outs of surrogacy to know what rights I have and to be able to make decisions that are best for me and the baby. While C and Dr. S are probably very talented at what they do, it doesn't make them specialist is surrogacy and decisions that effect me personally.
Working with IP's is a give and take relationship. While it's their baby, it's my body and I want to work with a doctor that I can completely trust. That wasn't going to happen with Dr. S and I decided to move on. For me, it wasn't about how great C thought he was, or how his apologizing spoke volumes. It was about my confidence and comfort level, which with him, were non existent.
E and I went through the list of doctors that we had and narrowed them down by hospital affiliation pretty quickly. We ended up with two options. One is a practice of 3 doctors that share with an additional practice. E wasn't comfortable with so many doctors so we ended up with the other one, a doctor in the same building as the fertility center here in New Jersey. I planned to call and schedule and appointment today but was pretty busy with my own family and didn't get a chance. So I will call tomorrow.
I will leave with this. Right now I'm not feeling too happy about being in this situation. What started out as exciting and fun has now turned into complicated and draining. I'm living in a state that isn't surrogate friendly, searching for a doctor that is familiar with surrogacy while trying to do my best to make E and C happy. Today E sent me a text asking if I made an appointment with the new doctor and if I had called Dr. S. Followed by a text that said C thinks I should call Dr. S and talk to him. I thought, what have I gotten myself into? Back the f off of me! I need a break! -pregnancy hormones at their finest.
I don't know what will happen with this new doctor but at least she is closer to home and the scans are done next door. Maybe she too will decide to treat me as high risk? I guess if she does I will just accept defeat and go along for the ride. At this point, I don't care.
No comments:
Post a Comment