When I decided to become a surrogate I reached out to a few companies to help get me started. I ended up listing my profile with a company called Fertility Bridges. This is where I originally met B and C. We did not end up using Fertility Bridges for anything more than matching us and setting up the first consultation.
Once a surrogate enters into an agreement with intended parents the profiles go into a "holding" pattern. Statuses are updated to show that the surrogate is cycling and it lists when she will be available to cycle again. You are required to wait 6 months after giving birth to start another journey. My profile read that I would be available in August/September of 2012.
After the girls were born I was sure that I would be a surrogate again. I immediately let Fertility Bridges know and it wasn't long before I started getting emails from the IP/Surrogate coordinator.
The first email was for the German couple I mentioned in my previous post. I had a really great phone consultation with them and decided to see if I could help them out. Before we could move forward I had to have a HLA and DQ test. Basically if I matched the husband I wouldn't be able to help them... and I was a match.
The second email was for the couple also mentioned in my previous post. I never heard back about the crazy doctor. I asked the coordinator and she told me they never matched with anyone. Imagine that.
The next email was for a couple in New York. They wanted to transfer their frozen embryos down here to make things easier but the costs of that combined with my surrogate fee wasn't feasible for them.
After that I spoke with a couple in Florida. I really thought things would work out with them but the clinic said no when they found out I had given birth to 7 kids. 4 or less was all they allowed.
The last one was a couple looking for someone with a specific blood type. Unfortunately my type is the exact one they were trying to avoid.
During all of the conversations back and forth with the coordinator I started thinking... what are the chances that she is trying to do what is best for me? It's like having one lawyer represent both sides. After a few discussions I got the feeling that she wasn't "selling" me but instead pushing IP's away from me. I'm sure it has to do with my base fee in comparison to other surrogates listed in their database. I'll admit that my fee is a bit more than some of the other surrogates but most of them are "new" and, like me when I started, don't know where to begin. I have the experience and I think that alone is worth a lot.
After talking with B a few times and hearing her side of things with Fertility Bridges I decided it was probably best to move on. I only intend to be a surrogate one or two more times and I think that I can accomplish that without the help of Fertility Bridges.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Interested?
I got an email this weekend about another set of parents that are looking for a surrogate. This is what it said...
I think I was in shock as I read the requirements...
Under 35, √ (until November)
Caucasian, √
Married with a crap load of kids, in a semi stable environment, √
Willing to have a c-section √ (only if medically necessary)
Amniocentesis, √ (If you really want one)
No tattoos or body piercings, √
No breast augmentations, √
Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug screening, √ (wow)
Willing to undergo random drug testing, √ (Whoa... who are these people?)
Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection, √ (hope you don't mind the crap load of kids and messy house)
Willing to eat mostly organic foods, √ (yum)
No indoor cats, - indoor and outdoor cat but I don't change the litter (got to love kids and chores!)
No history of depression, √
Surrogacy friendly states, √ (as long as you aren't a gay couple, Texas doesn't support them)
Willing to travel for transfer, √
August or November pregnancy, √ (who are these people again?)
4 frozen embryos, no way in hell they are putting all 4 in at once! Quadmom?
Experienced, √
I added to the list that I would only use my doctor.
I'm not sure what to expect from this couple and it kind of scares me to imagine working with a couple with a list like this... but I'm open to trying anything once.
I also got an email about the Germany couple. They wanted to make sure I would be willing to transfer two embryos, not just one. I agreed but only if they intend to keep both babies if they both took. I don't think I could do selective reduction.
I'm excited to have the opportunity to do this again but at the same time I'm really nervous. I only hope that whatever happens, whoever picks me... that they will be half as wonderful as B and C were to me.
Guess we will just wait and see what happens!
Kelcie,
I have another set of Intended Parents that are looking for a surrogate that is willing to meet the requirements below. Can you take a look and see if you want me to send them your profile?
Obviously no drug history, alcohol, prescription meds or smoking
-Under 35 yo
-Hispanic or Caucasian
-Married with own children, stable enviroment
-Willing to have a C-section
-Amniocentesis
-No tattoos or body piercings (one or two small tattoos would be OK)
-No breast augmentations (increase in platinum levels in blood)
-Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug use screening
-Willing to undergo random drug testing while pregnant, including a urine EtH (detects alcohol 3-4 days after consumption)
-Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection
-Willing to eat mostly organic foods, at our expense, during pregnancy
-No indoor cats
-No history of depression
-Surrogacy friendly states
-No history of depression
-Surrogacy friendly states
-Willing to travel for transfer
-We would like to get pregnant in August or November
-We have 4 precious frozen embryos
-We would prefer an experienced surrogate
Under 35, √ (until November)
Caucasian, √
Married with a crap load of kids, in a semi stable environment, √
Willing to have a c-section √ (only if medically necessary)
Amniocentesis, √ (If you really want one)
No tattoos or body piercings, √
No breast augmentations, √
Willing to give a hair sample for prior drug screening, √ (wow)
Willing to undergo random drug testing, √ (Whoa... who are these people?)
Willing to allow a home visit prior to selection, √ (hope you don't mind the crap load of kids and messy house)
Willing to eat mostly organic foods, √ (yum)
No indoor cats, - indoor and outdoor cat but I don't change the litter (got to love kids and chores!)
No history of depression, √
Surrogacy friendly states, √ (as long as you aren't a gay couple, Texas doesn't support them)
Willing to travel for transfer, √
August or November pregnancy, √ (who are these people again?)
4 frozen embryos, no way in hell they are putting all 4 in at once! Quadmom?
Experienced, √
I added to the list that I would only use my doctor.
I'm not sure what to expect from this couple and it kind of scares me to imagine working with a couple with a list like this... but I'm open to trying anything once.
I also got an email about the Germany couple. They wanted to make sure I would be willing to transfer two embryos, not just one. I agreed but only if they intend to keep both babies if they both took. I don't think I could do selective reduction.
I'm excited to have the opportunity to do this again but at the same time I'm really nervous. I only hope that whatever happens, whoever picks me... that they will be half as wonderful as B and C were to me.
Guess we will just wait and see what happens!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Closed For Renovation...
I can't believe it's only been 3 months... it seems like so long ago. The girls are doing great! I get updates from B every once in a while and she says they are PERFECT! <3 I love hearing the happiness in her voice!
I'm pleased to report that I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I never thought that would happen so quickly after all the weight I gained! For a while there I was really worried that my feet and legs would remain swollen for the remainder of my life. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was when I was able to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again! Complete joy! :)
I'm working really hard right now to lose a few more pounds and build some muscle. It's my goal to improve my health and become stronger before the next Womb and Board journey!
The agency that I'm signed up with requires a waiting period of six months before cycling again. That doesn't mean that they won't attempt to match me before that date arrives, it just means that I can't go through a transfer until my six months are up.
I actually got a phone call the other day from a coordinator asking if I wanted to match again. I told her that I wouldn't mind. I sent in a medical release for my pregnancy with the girls and updated my profile. A couple of days later I got another phone call saying that they had a couple interested in meeting with me.
It was a little odd. The moment she said those words to me I recalled my first conversation with B and C. I thought to myself there is no way I'll ever meet another couple like them. There is no way anyone else will compare to them. I doubted that I could do this again but I agreed to the conference anyway.
I wasn't nervous at all when I called the 800 number to connect with the coordinator and intended parents. I came on the line, introduced myself, told them all about my family, and answered their questions.
I didn't feel the immediate connection that I felt with B and C but I did feel something as I heard them explain their situation.
They live in Germany and have been trying for years to get pregnant. They have attempted IVF and are down to their last 4 embryos. They had to use an egg donor and their doctor suggested that using a surrogate is the last option.
I think the conversation went really well. They seemed to be happy with my responses to the questions they asked and I was okay with their requests, for the most part.
I could tell toward the end of our conversation that this was a really big decision for them. The intended dad asked that we give them about 10 days to make a final decision.
So, I wait. And you know what there is no doubt in my mind... I'm okay with doing this again because I can do it again. I can help them become a family and give them something they have dreamed about for so long. I would be honored if they chose me. Guess we shall see...
I'm pleased to report that I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I never thought that would happen so quickly after all the weight I gained! For a while there I was really worried that my feet and legs would remain swollen for the remainder of my life. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was when I was able to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again! Complete joy! :)
I'm working really hard right now to lose a few more pounds and build some muscle. It's my goal to improve my health and become stronger before the next Womb and Board journey!
The agency that I'm signed up with requires a waiting period of six months before cycling again. That doesn't mean that they won't attempt to match me before that date arrives, it just means that I can't go through a transfer until my six months are up.
I actually got a phone call the other day from a coordinator asking if I wanted to match again. I told her that I wouldn't mind. I sent in a medical release for my pregnancy with the girls and updated my profile. A couple of days later I got another phone call saying that they had a couple interested in meeting with me.
It was a little odd. The moment she said those words to me I recalled my first conversation with B and C. I thought to myself there is no way I'll ever meet another couple like them. There is no way anyone else will compare to them. I doubted that I could do this again but I agreed to the conference anyway.
I wasn't nervous at all when I called the 800 number to connect with the coordinator and intended parents. I came on the line, introduced myself, told them all about my family, and answered their questions.
I didn't feel the immediate connection that I felt with B and C but I did feel something as I heard them explain their situation.
They live in Germany and have been trying for years to get pregnant. They have attempted IVF and are down to their last 4 embryos. They had to use an egg donor and their doctor suggested that using a surrogate is the last option.
I think the conversation went really well. They seemed to be happy with my responses to the questions they asked and I was okay with their requests, for the most part.
I could tell toward the end of our conversation that this was a really big decision for them. The intended dad asked that we give them about 10 days to make a final decision.
So, I wait. And you know what there is no doubt in my mind... I'm okay with doing this again because I can do it again. I can help them become a family and give them something they have dreamed about for so long. I would be honored if they chose me. Guess we shall see...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Till Next Time...
I can't believe it's been (almost) 3 months since the twins were born. Time flies!
Recovery was just about perfect. I'm a trooper and have a high tolerance for pain, but even I had to admit that I couldn't fully function for the first week or two. Of course that didn't stop me from trying! :)
The hardest part for me was waiting on the swelling to go down. I wanted to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again. I ranted about it to some of my mommy friends and was assured that it would go down along with my weight. But I really felt like it was NEVER going to happen. If it wasn't for one friend in particular, I would have just given up and stayed down in the dumps. This friend was amazing. So supportive and encouraging. And to think I met her online over three years ago and have never met her in person.... it's on my "to-do" list.
The swelling did eventually go down and I got to put my wedding ring back on! It took a little less than a month for all of the swelling to go away and for me to drop all the weight I had gained. I was truly amazed! I couldn't believe it happened so quickly. Maybe I owe it all to the Belly Bandit? If you have no idea what that is and happen to get pregnant, GET ONE! AMAZING! I never believed in anything like this product before and never used anything like it with my other pregnancies but after reading reviews I decided to give it a shot. I gained twice as much with the twins as I did with my singeltons and getting rid of that extra weight was really important to me. I used it for 6 weeks and loved the confidence it gave me!
I'm pretty sure pumping also helped with the weight loss. I ended up doing it for almost 8 weeks. It was a little strange at first, devoting 15 minutes every 2-3 hours for pumping, but it was well worth it and made me feel good to help the girls out.
Shipping milk is a little crazy. I had no idea how much work went into packing and shipping something like that. Thank goodness for FedEx!
I look back over this whole adventure all the time. How it started and all the adventures we endured. In the end I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm so happy that B and C chose me to be a part of this. There is something really amazing about helping a family grow and creating little miracles. <3
Recovery was just about perfect. I'm a trooper and have a high tolerance for pain, but even I had to admit that I couldn't fully function for the first week or two. Of course that didn't stop me from trying! :)
The hardest part for me was waiting on the swelling to go down. I wanted to put my wedding ring back on and wear my shoes again. I ranted about it to some of my mommy friends and was assured that it would go down along with my weight. But I really felt like it was NEVER going to happen. If it wasn't for one friend in particular, I would have just given up and stayed down in the dumps. This friend was amazing. So supportive and encouraging. And to think I met her online over three years ago and have never met her in person.... it's on my "to-do" list.
The swelling did eventually go down and I got to put my wedding ring back on! It took a little less than a month for all of the swelling to go away and for me to drop all the weight I had gained. I was truly amazed! I couldn't believe it happened so quickly. Maybe I owe it all to the Belly Bandit? If you have no idea what that is and happen to get pregnant, GET ONE! AMAZING! I never believed in anything like this product before and never used anything like it with my other pregnancies but after reading reviews I decided to give it a shot. I gained twice as much with the twins as I did with my singeltons and getting rid of that extra weight was really important to me. I used it for 6 weeks and loved the confidence it gave me!
I'm pretty sure pumping also helped with the weight loss. I ended up doing it for almost 8 weeks. It was a little strange at first, devoting 15 minutes every 2-3 hours for pumping, but it was well worth it and made me feel good to help the girls out.
Shipping milk is a little crazy. I had no idea how much work went into packing and shipping something like that. Thank goodness for FedEx!
I look back over this whole adventure all the time. How it started and all the adventures we endured. In the end I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm so happy that B and C chose me to be a part of this. There is something really amazing about helping a family grow and creating little miracles. <3
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Going Home...
I remember "going home day" times five. It's that day that you have looked forward to and waited on, for what seems like forever. It is finally here but everything is moving in slow motion. You have to wait on the doctor, and the nurses. You have to wait on final tests and discharge papers. One person can't do their job until the first person completes theirs. It's the most frustrating day of hospital stays.
I felt so bad for B and C that last day. I know B was ready to get her girls home and in their own environment. They also had a really long drive in front of them. Sadly, they were subject to the "going home day" run around too. There were last minute tests that had to be ran on the girls and doctors that were being waited on to sign discharge papers. All in all in didn't take too long... but I bet it seemed like forever to B and C.
I enjoyed spending the morning with B,C, and the girls. It was so fun watching them get the girls dressed and ready to go home. I felt so much joy and excitement for all of them!
It really didn't take too long for them to get discharged. The girls were strapped into their car seats and ready to go in no time! We said our goodbyes and they were off!
I was due to be discharged the same day. I sent midwife L a text that morning making sure she didn't forget about me. I knew it would happen eventually and didn't mind the wait. After B and C left with the girls I showered and got my stuff ready. I had some time to reflect on everything that happened in the last 10 months and was amazed at how far we had come.
I spent a good 30 minutes or so talking to the discharge nurse. She asked questions about the pregnancy, my relationship with B and C, and our journey. She said we were the talk of the nurses station that they had never had a surrogate and intended parents "hang out" the way we had. I told her there was nothing "typical" about any of this for us! The whole situation was unique from the very beginning.
I was so excited to walk out those hospital doors and go home with my family.
I have been asked 100 or more times if it was hard letting the girls go. It wasn't. I know people have a hard time understanding or believing that, but really... it wasn't. I knew from the beginning that they were not mine. What was difficult for me was saying goodbye to B and C. We came along way together from that first phone conversation we had. I grew to love and care about both of them, as well as B's family. I was honored that they picked me to carry their girls and so thankful for all that they had done for me... including spending those last two days with me.
It was so hard for me to fight back the tears as I hugged them goodbye. I thought about the delivery and how amazing B was, how helpful and wonderful she had been. I thought about how I got to know C and how funny and sweet he was, and how he shared the girls with me. And, I thought about B's dad and how I loved the letters he sent with the checks he mailed to me. This family had touched my heart in more ways than one and have changed my life forever. Saying goodbye to all of them, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...
I felt so bad for B and C that last day. I know B was ready to get her girls home and in their own environment. They also had a really long drive in front of them. Sadly, they were subject to the "going home day" run around too. There were last minute tests that had to be ran on the girls and doctors that were being waited on to sign discharge papers. All in all in didn't take too long... but I bet it seemed like forever to B and C.
I enjoyed spending the morning with B,C, and the girls. It was so fun watching them get the girls dressed and ready to go home. I felt so much joy and excitement for all of them!
It really didn't take too long for them to get discharged. The girls were strapped into their car seats and ready to go in no time! We said our goodbyes and they were off!
I was due to be discharged the same day. I sent midwife L a text that morning making sure she didn't forget about me. I knew it would happen eventually and didn't mind the wait. After B and C left with the girls I showered and got my stuff ready. I had some time to reflect on everything that happened in the last 10 months and was amazed at how far we had come.
I spent a good 30 minutes or so talking to the discharge nurse. She asked questions about the pregnancy, my relationship with B and C, and our journey. She said we were the talk of the nurses station that they had never had a surrogate and intended parents "hang out" the way we had. I told her there was nothing "typical" about any of this for us! The whole situation was unique from the very beginning.
I was so excited to walk out those hospital doors and go home with my family.
I have been asked 100 or more times if it was hard letting the girls go. It wasn't. I know people have a hard time understanding or believing that, but really... it wasn't. I knew from the beginning that they were not mine. What was difficult for me was saying goodbye to B and C. We came along way together from that first phone conversation we had. I grew to love and care about both of them, as well as B's family. I was honored that they picked me to carry their girls and so thankful for all that they had done for me... including spending those last two days with me.
It was so hard for me to fight back the tears as I hugged them goodbye. I thought about the delivery and how amazing B was, how helpful and wonderful she had been. I thought about how I got to know C and how funny and sweet he was, and how he shared the girls with me. And, I thought about B's dad and how I loved the letters he sent with the checks he mailed to me. This family had touched my heart in more ways than one and have changed my life forever. Saying goodbye to all of them, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hospital Recovery
I had to spend just under one hour in the recovery room. It wasn't too bad but I was ready to get to my own room and start my real recovery. I was also ready to see B, C, and the girls. I didn't even meet Macy-Dean when she was born.
I had learned while waiting that they were not given a room either and were hanging out in the delivery room. I invited them to come and stay with me in mine.
I was given a room close to the nursery. I could tell by the sound of things outside my door that it was a busy day in labor and delivery.
The nurses gave me medication to help calm my stomach, my first dose of "every 6 hour" Motrin, and antibiotics. I felt and looked puffy from all the extra fluid and my stomach was still turning causing me to throw up... but I felt great! I didn't even mind that I still had the catheter in.
Shortly after getting settled in B, C, and the girls came in. What a sight to see! The love on their faces as they interacted with the girls and each other was the most rewarding sight I have ever seen. It made every bit of the struggles, pains, and not so perfect labor worth it. I couldn't have been more proud to be a part of something so amazing.
Casey showed up a while later. I was so happy to see him but the visit didn't last long... the medication I was given had made me drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life.
Because L&D was so busy there wasn't enough room for B and C to stay. I told them they could stay with me in the room but they insisted on getting a hotel room, so everyone could get some rest. I felt so bad with them having to leave. I can't imagine it was easy for B.
I had learned while waiting that they were not given a room either and were hanging out in the delivery room. I invited them to come and stay with me in mine.
I was given a room close to the nursery. I could tell by the sound of things outside my door that it was a busy day in labor and delivery.
The nurses gave me medication to help calm my stomach, my first dose of "every 6 hour" Motrin, and antibiotics. I felt and looked puffy from all the extra fluid and my stomach was still turning causing me to throw up... but I felt great! I didn't even mind that I still had the catheter in.
Shortly after getting settled in B, C, and the girls came in. What a sight to see! The love on their faces as they interacted with the girls and each other was the most rewarding sight I have ever seen. It made every bit of the struggles, pains, and not so perfect labor worth it. I couldn't have been more proud to be a part of something so amazing.
Casey showed up a while later. I was so happy to see him but the visit didn't last long... the medication I was given had made me drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life.
Because L&D was so busy there wasn't enough room for B and C to stay. I told them they could stay with me in the room but they insisted on getting a hotel room, so everyone could get some rest. I felt so bad with them having to leave. I can't imagine it was easy for B.
The coolest part about my recovery in the hospital was spending it with B and C and the girls instead of just being there alone. They spent a lot of time hanging out with me in my room. I got to learn more about them and discovered a different side of C that I had no idea existed. He was amazing! They let me help with the girls and I got to hold them both for long periods of time. Something I never imagined being able to do.
I really enjoyed watching them "become parents". They were both so wonderful at it! Such naturals. They were also really really funny! I wish I could put into words and recreate the first diaper changes :) and swaddles!
I tried to offer support and advice the best I could, without being a know-it-all. I even tried helping B with breastfeeding... which I might add... it isn't an easy task nursing twins!! I'm still in awe of what an amazing job she did with it!
I'm so thankful that B and C allowed me to share those two days with them and the girls. They made me feel like I was so much more than just a surrogate.
My recovery was pretty easy overall. It took a little getting used to not being able to move like normal. I was never in any real pain but it was uncomfortable trying to get up and down off of the bed. Of course having to lug around a urine collection bag made things that much more difficult. For some reason my urine was really concentrated and no matter how much I had to drink I couldn't produce enough urine for them to be okay with taking the catheter out.
I didn't take anything other than Motrin for pain. I never felt like the pain was so unbearable that I needed something stronger. I did accept some milk of magnesia the 2nd night when the bloating and gas pains were unbearable and was so happy I did. The next day I felt much better.
The only other part of recovery that was hard was the swelling. I think I expected it to get much better after delivery but instead it got worse and was so uncomfortable.
I was so excited when midwife L and Dr C showed up and confirmed I only had to stay two nights! I was also thrilled when Casey brought Joelie up to visit me. I missed her like crazy. We took her to the gift shop and she helped pick out gifts for the girls!
I really enjoyed watching them "become parents". They were both so wonderful at it! Such naturals. They were also really really funny! I wish I could put into words and recreate the first diaper changes :) and swaddles!
I tried to offer support and advice the best I could, without being a know-it-all. I even tried helping B with breastfeeding... which I might add... it isn't an easy task nursing twins!! I'm still in awe of what an amazing job she did with it!
I'm so thankful that B and C allowed me to share those two days with them and the girls. They made me feel like I was so much more than just a surrogate.
My recovery was pretty easy overall. It took a little getting used to not being able to move like normal. I was never in any real pain but it was uncomfortable trying to get up and down off of the bed. Of course having to lug around a urine collection bag made things that much more difficult. For some reason my urine was really concentrated and no matter how much I had to drink I couldn't produce enough urine for them to be okay with taking the catheter out.
I didn't take anything other than Motrin for pain. I never felt like the pain was so unbearable that I needed something stronger. I did accept some milk of magnesia the 2nd night when the bloating and gas pains were unbearable and was so happy I did. The next day I felt much better.
The only other part of recovery that was hard was the swelling. I think I expected it to get much better after delivery but instead it got worse and was so uncomfortable.
I was so excited when midwife L and Dr C showed up and confirmed I only had to stay two nights! I was also thrilled when Casey brought Joelie up to visit me. I missed her like crazy. We took her to the gift shop and she helped pick out gifts for the girls!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Scalpel? Check!
Midwife L said, "I think she is saying she wants a c-section." Dr C looked at me and asked, "Do you want a c-section?" I shook my head yes.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.
The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon?
11:06am How are you doing?
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates?
I responded at 1:24pm.
His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.
<3
Next stop... recovery.
The minute my head bobbed up and down the whole room went into a frenzy with preparation. I was given a small medicine cup of the nastiest liquid I have ever consumed. I think I was told it was to settle my stomach?
The anesthesiologist came in to administer the spinal block. I sat up, hunched over, shoulders dropped and took it like a pro even though I wanted desperately to just jump off the cot and run.
Back on the table I remember the cot turning into this contraption from a horror movie. There were wings on either side for my arms... which I believed were strapped down? Were my legs strapped down too? I don't remember. I do remember someone mentioning shaving me. I thought, oh sorry!
I also remember shaking. I don't know if it was due to the block, being cold, or being scared. One of the nurses ended up bringing some kind of magical warming blanket and draping it across my chest. At this point I was gone. I let the warmth of the blanket take over me. I found this place inside my head that was dark and calm and I stayed there. The feeling that came over me was peaceful. I no longer thought about the things that held me back from having the c-section in the first place. Instead I just basked in the warm sensation and let go.
I remember coming and going out of what felt like a really deep sleep. I knew B was there holding my hand. I didn't feel anything else, just her hand on mine. I was so thankful that she was there with me.
I don't know how long the whole procedure took. It didn't seem like it was that long. At one point I remember hearing Macy-Dean crying and hearing B talk about how big she was. I couldn't really focus on the voices in the room. I know Dr C was talking to me and a nurse maybe? She kept telling me to take deep breaths and said something about me not breathing. I'm pretty sure that is when the nasal cannula was strapped onto my face. I knew people were talking to me but I just wanted to return to that dark, calm place that I found a few minutes earlier. Instead I was forced to come back to reality. A group of nurses told me that they were moving me to recovery, that they were going to put me into another bed. "It will feel like you are falling, but don't worry, you're not going to fall". And it did feel like I was going to roll right off that little cot, but I didn't.
The recovery room reminded me of an ER with curtains and beds spaced a few feet apart from each other. I was actually the only one in there. The nurses were nice enough to bring me some ice chips, even though I was suppose to wait to eat or drink, and my phone. I was so thirsty that I ate the ice a lot quicker than I should have and ended up getting sick.
A few minutes after I was wheeled in there a nurse told me that my husband was there but they couldn't allow him back to see me because he had our daughter with him. She said the nurse at the front desk told him that I had a c-section. I felt my heart drop. I should have been the one to tell him. I just hoped that he wasn't disappointed in me.
I went back and looked at my text messages while waiting to be wheeled back to my room.
From Casey:
9:36am Will it be soon?
11:06am How are you doing?
12:04pm ??
12:48pm Any updates?
I responded at 1:24pm.
His reply, I came up there to check on you and a nurse told me about the c-section. I couldn't see you because I had Joelie. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but I am happy you and the babies are okay.
<3
Next stop... recovery.
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