12 weeks and 5 days pregnant today and I'm counting down the days until the second trimester begins. No really, I have a countdown on my phone. Although I'm trilled to be done with the estrogen and progesterone, stopping them didn't offer any relief from the sickness I have been feeling. :( It seems to hit me the same time everyday, around 4pm. I pick up all the kids from school and end up in bed for 1 hour. I hate it. I'm sure the kids do too.
I have had some major aversions this go round. Soda. Coffee. Ketchup. Doritos. Eggs. Corn. Grease. Peanut Butter. The list goes on and on. For those of you that know me well, you know that a coffee aversion is painful for me. I love my daily coffee. My BFF sent me some coffee from Canada a few weeks ago and it has been sitting untouched. I'm happy to report that this week I actually cracked a box opened and thoroughly enjoyed a steamy cup of Joe! Yum!
I don't have any fun cravings to share. At least they don't seem fun to me! I love lemonade, orange juice, veggies, Slurpees and sweets. I was on a Cheerios and Frosted Flakes kick, but that seems to have died down a bit now. I'm hoping that once the aversions die down I can focus on being a little more disciplined and eat things a little more healthy! Just say no to the Twix and Starburst... maybe the Slurpees too.
The good news is that I haven't gained any weight yet. The bad news is that I'm sure that will change when my appetite comes back.
Did I already mention that think this baby is a girl? My hair is ugly and dull. My face is breaking out and dry. These things added to the heartbeat, always feeling sick and sweet cravings... scream girl. Of course, I have been known to be wrong. B totally didn't end up with a boy and girl. Guess we will see!
Friday, September 20, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
12 Week Update (cont.)
I knew after our first visit that Dr. S had never worked with an gestational surrogate let alone an IVF patient before. I thought I would be able to hang with him and help him learn along the way, but the longer I looked at the order they sent home with me the more I realized that I couldn't do this. The entire pregnancy I would be treated as high risk because I'm 35, but mainly because he doesn't know any better. Our due date would always be a week off because he didn't understand how the transfer date established the due date. Outside of that he doesn't perform any scans or blood work in office and I would have to travel 2 hours round trip to have them done. The icing on top was hearing that Joelie could not accompany me to the clinic to have the scan, but if I had to bring her she could wait with the ladies in the reception area. Not something I wanted to do. So, I called Monday and cancelled my appointments. I let E know that I wouldn't be returning to Dr. S and that we needed to search for a new doctor that was familiar with IVF, and closer to home. I asked a local moms group for advice and started a list to send to E.
Of course it was no surprise that Dr. S called C and that C called me. I answered that phone call knowing what was coming and I was PISSED. I felt like a damn child. These two doctors thought they would get together and chat about the crazy, over aged, high risk pregnant lady that didn't show up to her appointment. I listened as C told me he had my back and in the same breath talked about how amazing Dr. S was, based on his research. C understood my not wanting to go back but 'suggested' that I reconsider. I listened. I bet anyone having a conversation with C would be able to tell he's a doctor. He is good at what he does. He has great communication skills and is really good at being positive in is responses. Only, it wasn't working on me. I left the conversation the same way I came into it, PISSED.
Let me just throw something out there for those of you that may not know. Gestational Carriers are used up until age 42, with most companies. It's understood that maternal age has nothing to do with the development and risks of a baby that doesn't biologically belong to the carrier. Being treated as high risk and having extra testing done is not only unnecessary it can also be costly when insurance doesn't cover the tests. I'm familiar enough with the ins and outs of surrogacy to know what rights I have and to be able to make decisions that are best for me and the baby. While C and Dr. S are probably very talented at what they do, it doesn't make them specialist is surrogacy and decisions that effect me personally.
Working with IP's is a give and take relationship. While it's their baby, it's my body and I want to work with a doctor that I can completely trust. That wasn't going to happen with Dr. S and I decided to move on. For me, it wasn't about how great C thought he was, or how his apologizing spoke volumes. It was about my confidence and comfort level, which with him, were non existent.
E and I went through the list of doctors that we had and narrowed them down by hospital affiliation pretty quickly. We ended up with two options. One is a practice of 3 doctors that share with an additional practice. E wasn't comfortable with so many doctors so we ended up with the other one, a doctor in the same building as the fertility center here in New Jersey. I planned to call and schedule and appointment today but was pretty busy with my own family and didn't get a chance. So I will call tomorrow.
I will leave with this. Right now I'm not feeling too happy about being in this situation. What started out as exciting and fun has now turned into complicated and draining. I'm living in a state that isn't surrogate friendly, searching for a doctor that is familiar with surrogacy while trying to do my best to make E and C happy. Today E sent me a text asking if I made an appointment with the new doctor and if I had called Dr. S. Followed by a text that said C thinks I should call Dr. S and talk to him. I thought, what have I gotten myself into? Back the f off of me! I need a break! -pregnancy hormones at their finest.
I don't know what will happen with this new doctor but at least she is closer to home and the scans are done next door. Maybe she too will decide to treat me as high risk? I guess if she does I will just accept defeat and go along for the ride. At this point, I don't care.
Of course it was no surprise that Dr. S called C and that C called me. I answered that phone call knowing what was coming and I was PISSED. I felt like a damn child. These two doctors thought they would get together and chat about the crazy, over aged, high risk pregnant lady that didn't show up to her appointment. I listened as C told me he had my back and in the same breath talked about how amazing Dr. S was, based on his research. C understood my not wanting to go back but 'suggested' that I reconsider. I listened. I bet anyone having a conversation with C would be able to tell he's a doctor. He is good at what he does. He has great communication skills and is really good at being positive in is responses. Only, it wasn't working on me. I left the conversation the same way I came into it, PISSED.
Let me just throw something out there for those of you that may not know. Gestational Carriers are used up until age 42, with most companies. It's understood that maternal age has nothing to do with the development and risks of a baby that doesn't biologically belong to the carrier. Being treated as high risk and having extra testing done is not only unnecessary it can also be costly when insurance doesn't cover the tests. I'm familiar enough with the ins and outs of surrogacy to know what rights I have and to be able to make decisions that are best for me and the baby. While C and Dr. S are probably very talented at what they do, it doesn't make them specialist is surrogacy and decisions that effect me personally.
Working with IP's is a give and take relationship. While it's their baby, it's my body and I want to work with a doctor that I can completely trust. That wasn't going to happen with Dr. S and I decided to move on. For me, it wasn't about how great C thought he was, or how his apologizing spoke volumes. It was about my confidence and comfort level, which with him, were non existent.
E and I went through the list of doctors that we had and narrowed them down by hospital affiliation pretty quickly. We ended up with two options. One is a practice of 3 doctors that share with an additional practice. E wasn't comfortable with so many doctors so we ended up with the other one, a doctor in the same building as the fertility center here in New Jersey. I planned to call and schedule and appointment today but was pretty busy with my own family and didn't get a chance. So I will call tomorrow.
I will leave with this. Right now I'm not feeling too happy about being in this situation. What started out as exciting and fun has now turned into complicated and draining. I'm living in a state that isn't surrogate friendly, searching for a doctor that is familiar with surrogacy while trying to do my best to make E and C happy. Today E sent me a text asking if I made an appointment with the new doctor and if I had called Dr. S. Followed by a text that said C thinks I should call Dr. S and talk to him. I thought, what have I gotten myself into? Back the f off of me! I need a break! -pregnancy hormones at their finest.
I don't know what will happen with this new doctor but at least she is closer to home and the scans are done next door. Maybe she too will decide to treat me as high risk? I guess if she does I will just accept defeat and go along for the ride. At this point, I don't care.
12 Week Update and Vent
This post has been a long time coming and I'm sorry for those of you that have been waiting. I have been thinking about what I would say for a couple of weeks now and I'm still not sure that I'm ready to put it all into words, but I will try.
The first step after confirmation of a pregnancy is finding a doctor. I sat out with my search based on local hospitals with a level III NICU and successful VBAC rates. I found a few that looked promising and sent them over to E to help me choose. We went back and forth a few times but E and C had stumbled upon a doctor they both felt pretty confident about. Feeling exhausted and sick, I felt it was best to just accept and give it a shot.
"The reason why we thought Dr. S looked good was because of his training/background, experience with VBAC, small practice, and experience with natural birth. I think he takes our insurance"
When I arrived at the office I filled out the paperwork and waited for about 30 minutes for Dr. S to come in. Our initial greeting went the way I had hoped. He firmly shook my hand and acknowledged Joelie. Once in his office we sat down and the questions began. He asked about my last period, I gave him that date as well as the date of our transfer. I explained that I was a gestational carrier and that both the sperm and egg belonged to the intended parents. The first thing he said is that he would like to send me for a Nuchal Transluency scan. I told him that I wasn't sure C and E were interested in the scan, that I would have to ask them. He raised his voice and told me that if he was going to me my doctor I had to have the scan. I went on to tell him that I didn't have the scan with any of my children. Raising his voice again he said, "THAT DOESN'T MATTER!". I shut down. He told me why the scan was important and I listened. I simply repeated what I said before about asking E and C if they wanted to have it done. With his voice still raised he asked if I would have to check with E and C on everything I had done, I said yes, it is their baby. He continued on and I finally told him that I thought I would just leave. He said he thought it was a good idea. He walked out and loudly said to the receptionist, " She is leaving because I don't want to deal with having to ask permission every time I want to perform a test, we won't charge her for the visit."
I got into the car and called E to give her a rundown.
E sent me a text later that afternoon saying that C was going to call Dr. S. After his phone call with the doctor, C called to get my side of things. Of course our stories pretty much lined up and C expressed how sorry he was for what I had gone through, BUT after talking to Dr. S he felt that we could try our visit again. See, C is a doctor too. He called Dr S and presented himself as a doctor and the intended dad. They had a doctor to doctor chat and came to an understanding.
Here is where things get difficult for me. I really adore E and C. I think they are an amazing couple and I'm beyond thrilled to be able to do this for them. It was during the conversation with C that things changed for me. I suppose I should appreciate that he called Dr. S after our visit but instead I felt like he jumped on board with Dr. S and stabbed me in the back. I listened to what C had to say and replied when I could. I left the conversation agreeing to go back to Dr. S and feeling that C was less than sincere and maybe even a little fake.
Fast forward to the next visit. Dr. S was nothing but polite. His whole attitude to changed and he was speaking in a calm, soothing voice. He said that he spoke with Dr. C and had a better understanding of things and would be happy to take care of me through the remainder of the pregnancy. He asked if I had anything concerns. I told him that I appreciated his apology and that I just wanted to make one thing clear. I told him I would never allow him to speak to me the way he had before. He apologized again and agreed to keep his cool.
In the exam room the nurse practitioner told me how bad Dr. S felt after I left. She told me it was good that I stood up to him and said what I did. We did a pap smear and and ultrasound. Baby looked good, heart rate was 144.
After the exam we sat and talked a few more minutes. Apparently Dr. C and Dr. S decided to go ahead with the scan and additional blood work. Dr. S explained how I was high risk and how all of this was to take care of me. I tried to explain to Dr. S that my maternal age had nothing to do with the pregnancy and that I wasn't really high risk. I also tried to explain that the EDD was wrong because they needed to go by our transfer date, not my last period. Everything I said was nodded off and dismissed.
I left with an order to have a butt-load of blood work done and an appointment to have the Nuchal Scan that following Monday.
I'm going to stop here. There is a lot more to all of this but I'm so tired and not ready to continue. I will try and update the rest tomorrow.
The first step after confirmation of a pregnancy is finding a doctor. I sat out with my search based on local hospitals with a level III NICU and successful VBAC rates. I found a few that looked promising and sent them over to E to help me choose. We went back and forth a few times but E and C had stumbled upon a doctor they both felt pretty confident about. Feeling exhausted and sick, I felt it was best to just accept and give it a shot.
"The reason why we thought Dr. S looked good was because of his training/background, experience with VBAC, small practice, and experience with natural birth. I think he takes our insurance"
When I arrived at the office I filled out the paperwork and waited for about 30 minutes for Dr. S to come in. Our initial greeting went the way I had hoped. He firmly shook my hand and acknowledged Joelie. Once in his office we sat down and the questions began. He asked about my last period, I gave him that date as well as the date of our transfer. I explained that I was a gestational carrier and that both the sperm and egg belonged to the intended parents. The first thing he said is that he would like to send me for a Nuchal Transluency scan. I told him that I wasn't sure C and E were interested in the scan, that I would have to ask them. He raised his voice and told me that if he was going to me my doctor I had to have the scan. I went on to tell him that I didn't have the scan with any of my children. Raising his voice again he said, "THAT DOESN'T MATTER!". I shut down. He told me why the scan was important and I listened. I simply repeated what I said before about asking E and C if they wanted to have it done. With his voice still raised he asked if I would have to check with E and C on everything I had done, I said yes, it is their baby. He continued on and I finally told him that I thought I would just leave. He said he thought it was a good idea. He walked out and loudly said to the receptionist, " She is leaving because I don't want to deal with having to ask permission every time I want to perform a test, we won't charge her for the visit."
I got into the car and called E to give her a rundown.
E sent me a text later that afternoon saying that C was going to call Dr. S. After his phone call with the doctor, C called to get my side of things. Of course our stories pretty much lined up and C expressed how sorry he was for what I had gone through, BUT after talking to Dr. S he felt that we could try our visit again. See, C is a doctor too. He called Dr S and presented himself as a doctor and the intended dad. They had a doctor to doctor chat and came to an understanding.
Here is where things get difficult for me. I really adore E and C. I think they are an amazing couple and I'm beyond thrilled to be able to do this for them. It was during the conversation with C that things changed for me. I suppose I should appreciate that he called Dr. S after our visit but instead I felt like he jumped on board with Dr. S and stabbed me in the back. I listened to what C had to say and replied when I could. I left the conversation agreeing to go back to Dr. S and feeling that C was less than sincere and maybe even a little fake.
Fast forward to the next visit. Dr. S was nothing but polite. His whole attitude to changed and he was speaking in a calm, soothing voice. He said that he spoke with Dr. C and had a better understanding of things and would be happy to take care of me through the remainder of the pregnancy. He asked if I had anything concerns. I told him that I appreciated his apology and that I just wanted to make one thing clear. I told him I would never allow him to speak to me the way he had before. He apologized again and agreed to keep his cool.
In the exam room the nurse practitioner told me how bad Dr. S felt after I left. She told me it was good that I stood up to him and said what I did. We did a pap smear and and ultrasound. Baby looked good, heart rate was 144.
After the exam we sat and talked a few more minutes. Apparently Dr. C and Dr. S decided to go ahead with the scan and additional blood work. Dr. S explained how I was high risk and how all of this was to take care of me. I tried to explain to Dr. S that my maternal age had nothing to do with the pregnancy and that I wasn't really high risk. I also tried to explain that the EDD was wrong because they needed to go by our transfer date, not my last period. Everything I said was nodded off and dismissed.
I left with an order to have a butt-load of blood work done and an appointment to have the Nuchal Scan that following Monday.
I'm going to stop here. There is a lot more to all of this but I'm so tired and not ready to continue. I will try and update the rest tomorrow.
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