What Was I Thinking?

If you would have told me that I would make it to 40 weeks of pregnancy, I wouldn't have believed you. I knew without a doubt that this baby would be born before 39 weeks. I mean, why wouldn't she? I never made it that long with the other 6 pregnancies.

On March 16th I counted contractions for over 3 hours. They were every 3-5 minutes apart and lasted about 45 seconds each. In addition to the contractions I felt really sick, like I was going to vomit, and had terrible back pain. I went back and forth on contacting E and letting her know. I didn't feel like I was in active labor but I was concerned enough that I wouldn't make it until the following Thursday when E planned to fly to Austin. I finally broke down and sent her a text.
I didn't plan on going into the hospital that night. I figured I would just let things happen and wait until my doctors appointment on Monday. In the meantime, E booked a flight and flew into Austin.
We went to see midwife L on Monday and found out that we were around 3.5cms dilated. Not in active labor and only a little progress from the week before.

On March 20th I ended up going to Labor and Delivery when my contractions were coming every 7 minutes and lasting about 1 minute. I was concerned because I could feel "leaking" every time I had a contraction and I wanted to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid. Test came back showing that it wasn't amniotic fluid. Dr. C came up to check on me and the exchange between the two of us left me feeling sad and a bit defeated. She asked me if I wanted something to "just stop all of this" and I told her no. She also ask if I wanted to be admitted and get an epidural... to which I replied no. When I asked her why she even asked me that she told me that she was becoming concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle all of this.
I left there questioning what on earth I had done to make her think such a thing. I also left there 4cms dilated.

Every single day for the next week was torture. I felt awful for pulling E away from her home and family. I also couldn't stop thinking about everything Dr. C had said. I analyzed and over thought every word out of her mouth. I felt sad. I felt worried. I thought that maybe she was right, maybe I wouldn't be able to handle this.


Our last appointment was on March 25th, the day before our scheduled induction, where Dr.C planned to insert a Foley balloon. I planned on talking to Dr. C and telling her how I felt. I had rehearsed it 100 times. When I went back it wasn't Dr. C that was there but midwife L. Dr. C was home sick. I did end up talking to L about what happened Thursday and she laughed saying that Dr. C must have been tired or out of it. I thought, you know... that might be true. Last cervix check and we were sitting at 4.5-5 cms, no Foley balloon needed.

C flew into Austin to be with E for the delivery. We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 7am the next morning.

38 Week Check Up

I had a visit with Dr. O on Monday. She is the newest doctor at Nurture. I must admit that I do like her a lot.! I wouldn't say she is as... crunchy as Dr. C or Liane but she brings a little something extra to the practice. Knowing that she could very well be on call and there to deliver the baby I went over my past pregnancies and deliveries with her.

Baby girl is measuring big (fundal height). Her butt is right up under my right ribs and her head is down very low. Dr. O was the 2nd in the practice to mention that she feels like a large baby. I just laugh it off but I do wonder, could she really be that big?!? My largest babies were both 7lb 14oz. I wouldn't say they were any more difficult to deliver but I question the difficulty of a baby any larger! I guess we shall see!

Dr. O checked my cervix and I'm sitting at 2.5cm's. Of course that doesn't mean much. I think that is the hardest part of all of this. If she were my baby I could wait and wait and wait. I wouldn't have my cervix checked and I would just go with the flow. She isn't my baby and I want to give C and E as much information as I can. I want them to be able to prepare and make plans to be here. It is just next to impossible.

My next appointment is on Monday, March 17th. My last appointment is on Tuesday, March 25. During the last appointment my cervix will be checked again. I think the plan is to see what progress I have made. If I'm 4cm+ I will just head to the hospital in the morning. If not, they will send me home with a Foley Balloon. Of course I'm hoping that over the next 14 days I will progress and labor on my own.

I think E will head down toward the end of next week, just to play it safe. She doesn't want to miss the birth and I really want her to be there. I know I could use the support. If I end up in labor before she gets here, my BFF has agreed to go with me to cheer me on!


I have been thinking about something that I thought I would share with everyone. I'm confident that I will have a successful VBAC. It has only crossed my mind a few times that things may be a little more complicated because of the cesarian, but I have no doubt with Dr. C's help that we can make it happen. If I really think about it I must admit that I'm a little afraid. Let me see if I can put this into words...
When I gave birth to B's girls I felt like I tried my hardest. I felt like I gave it my all. But looking back I also feel like I gave up too quickly on Baby B. Of course everything turned out great and the cesarian section wasn't horrible but so many what ifs play in my head. The feeling now is that IF the c-section makes a vaginal delivery more complicated, can I handle it? Will I give up quicker? I think it's that feeling of calmness that came over me during the cesarian. It wasn't difficult or painful. I drifted off into a place that was warm and comforting and I thought for a while I could just stay there.

I just have to go in there with all the confidence in the world and give it my all. I know that I won't give up without a fight.