You Can Overcome Anything if You Don't Bellyache...

I bet E would trade places with me in a heartbeat. If she wouldn't, I personally know a few women that would. That is what I try and remind myself when I'm on the verge of tears because I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I'm normally a pretty tough girl. It takes a lot to break me down and that doesn't happen very often. Sadly, I hit my breaking point last week.

E sends me daily texts telling me that she is thinking about me and asking how I'm doing. Up until last week I would tell her I felt bad, but was doing okay. I think it was Friday that I woke up and thought about sending her a text letting her know I really felt like crap. I stopped myself the first few times but hit send on the last message I typed. I needed help.
Later that afternoon I got a phone call from J at Duke. She told me they were calling in Zofran and Promethazine and that I could take them every 12 hours. She warned me not to take the Promethazine unless I had help with the kids. Other suggestions were to drink Ginger Ale and eat a few crackers before getting out of bed, snack on peppermints, and take B-6. 

My amazing husband set out to get all the supplies needed to make me feel better again.

So here I am a few days later and I'm miserable. I'm giving myself progesterone injections that make me sick because I can taste/smell as it goes into my body. Every two days I'm changing estrogen patches that are leaving behind a rectangle rash that burns and itches. Daily I take a combination of prenatal vitamins, b-6, and folic acid that I can barely stomach swallowing. AND, every twelve hours I'm popping a Zofran or Phenergan hoping that this will be the time it really helps me.

The hardest part about all of this isn't being sick. It's not having energy because I'm sick. My house is a mess. I can't stand to cook. I don't have enough strength to play with my kids. It all makes me so sad.
Thank goodness I have such an amazing family. They are all so supportive and helpful. There has to be something about a man that can support his wife while she is doing something like this. He has just been so wonderful. 

So, after all my bellyaching I will just keep reminding myself...
There are so many other women that would do anything to be in my position.
Just make it through the first trimester, things are bound to get better.


I started bleeding and cramping again this weekend. It happened Saturday and lasted through out the day. During the middle of the night it had changed to brown blood and by the morning it was gone all together. Just my body keeping me on my toes, I guess.

August 12 can't get here soon enough. So anxious to know what is going on inside there. I will admit that I'm a little terrified of seeing 3 (or more) heartbeats. How many do you think we will see? 

O.D.A.A.T

One day at a time...
That is how I'm taking things.
I feel pregnant already. Do you think knowing that you are pregnant makes all the symptoms that much more noticeable?

Smells don't really bother me, except for bad breath and cat liter... but that isn't really new! :) I notice scent more but I seem to enjoy the enhanced ability more than I dislike it.

I already have food aversions and I swear my taste buds have taken a vacation. Things just don't taste as good as they smell. 
You know what does smell really yummy? Cascade. It never fails, every single pregnancy I love the smell of that stuff and my mind thinks it would be really yummy to eat. Not happening.
You know what doesn't smell or taste yummy? Progesterone injections. When I give myself injections I can taste it and smell it. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. Nasty.

And last... 
I feel so ill. I don't think I have ever felt so sick, not even with B's twins. It lasts all day and night. I have trouble sleeping and I don't want to eat or drink anything. I'm hanging on and hoping that I don't have to ask for Zofran again. I guess we will see how much longer I can handle this. 

12 more days until our ultrasound. YAY! 

BETA #'s Round Two...

After our first numbers I wondered what we would see today. I totally expected high numbers again but will admit that I was a little terrified of seeing extremely high numbers. 

I'm so very tired and haven't been sleeping well. This morning it took my alarm going off three times before I finally got out of bed. I hurried to the clinic and was in and out in a matter of minutes. 

I rested all morning with the phone nearby, willing myself to stay awake until I got the phone call. I even spent some time texting back and forth with E. I love hearing what she thinks about all of this! Her enthusiasm is contagious! 

It did not take as long for results today. I got the call from nurse J a few minutes ago and the numbers are....... 

1815!!!

Ultrasound is scheduled for August 12. Can't wait!! We will be 7 weeks and 1 day.

Here is another chart (gosh I love these) to give you all an idea of what these beta #s could mean!

16dp3dt

Singleton: 106, 144, 289, 298, 313, 624, 667, 750, 758, 780, 845, 860, 930, 935, 1147, 1326, 1400, 1515, 1540, 1574, 1947, 3000+, 3768

Twins: 498, 531, 878, 1028, 1142, 1284, 1450, 2007, 2450, 2490, 2965, 3904

BETA #'s

Today we are 14 days post 3 day transfer. Here is a chart to give you an idea of what numbers to expect...

Singleton: 110, 144, 161, 183, 189, 207, 219, 241, 258, 273, 278, 290, 300, 310, 311, 321, 371, 388.5, 390, 394, 420, 447, 450, 531, 658, 687, 775, 788, 813, 1458, 1531

Twins: 238, 254, 304, 326, 397, 562, 593, 623, 650, 735, 815, 826, 1007, 1120, 1433, 1469, 1952, 2175

Trips: 1197, 1250, 1400, 1448, 1642

I expected "high" numbers today. Picking up a faint positive on a pregnancy test assured me that it was at least 25. Getting a solid positive assured me that my levels would be at least 50. Throw in how sick I feel and I didn't expect anything less than 200.

I woke up this morning and took my final HPT. It was a nice dark positive! I went straight to the clinic afterwards. It is first come, first served and I happened to be the only one there. I got in and out in a matter of minutes. As I was leaving the nurse told me that they would have the results at noon and fax them over to Duke ASAP. I sent E a text and let her know I was done and to expect the results by noon. We planned for her to call at one to see if the results were in.
Thankfully I spent the day at the beach with the kids and friends. They helped the time fly by! But... at one I was texting E asking if she had heard anything. Nothing. Ugh. I think I checked my phone every five minutes.

Finally at 2:02pm I got the call from my favorite nurse, J. Are you ready for this... 580!! I immediately pulled up my blog to go back and compare our #s with B's. Before I could get there E called me and said she was doing the same thing! :) 458. That is what my first Beta results were with B.

I'm excited for Friday to get here. Can't wait to see what the next set of numbers are!

Worry Can Sneak Up On You...

This is another one of those posts that won't be published the day it was typed.
Yesterday morning I took another pregnancy test. Here is what it looked like. 

I sent E a text with the picture and a message saying that I was confident that it worked! She called me before I could even set my phone down. The excitement in her voice warmed my heart. There is nothing like that feeling.

Today is day 11 and I started cramping and bleeding. It isn't a large amount of blood and it isn't consistent, just off and on throughout the day. I'm worried. I'm trying to stay positive and reassure myself but it's very difficult. I know there is nothing that I can do but wait.
I'm thinking about calling the Fertility Center here and seeing if they will do a BETA test tomorrow and Wednesday instead of Wednesday and Friday. I hate this feeling. The last thing I want to do is call E and tell her that it didn't work after all. Not after hearing the excitement in her voice. I don't want to fail her.

Day 12. The red bleeding has turned to brown blood. That is great! Makes me feel so much better! I have cramps off and on during the day that are pretty uncomfortable so I'm still a little worried. Only 2 more days until we get to know the #'s! Thinking positive thoughts.

"Don't Jinx It"

I'm back to wondering about everything but so afraid to say anything out loud. I wouldn't want to jinx it! So, I thought I would type it all and leave it unpublished for a while.
I came home feeling exhausted. I spent a couple of days in and out of bed, taking naps. I also feel so sick. It lasts almost all day long and is driving me crazy. I think it's all in my mind until I eat and realize, no... it is really there. Although my boobs don't seem to be fuller, they do hurt when I walk up and down the stairs. In addition to all of this, I have to pee a lot more than normal.

Does all of this mean it worked? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Could it all just be side effects from the medication? Waiting isn't fun at all.
At least it's only two more days until Home Pregnancy Test day. 

Today is day 7. I decided to test. I got a really, really faint positive. I'm cramping a little and I still feel pretty sick. I ended up going to the store and buying more tests. I'm going to test again tomorrow. 

Day 8. Another faint positive but this one is darker, not a squinter like the last one. I'm still cramping a little, especially on my lower right sight. I guess it isn't really cramping as much as it is pulling. I also feel so sick, all day long. I guess it isn't my mind playing tricks on me after all.Day 9. The cramping/pulling is more intense. It's a sharp stabbing feeling on the right side, at my bikini line, that seems to come and go throughout the day. TMI AHEAD -> I have a warm, clear discharge that seems to have thickened just a little in the last couple of days. It all reminds me so much of sensations you get during ovulation, but it isn't quite the same.
I'm getting headaches daily now too. The biggest change so far, food is starting to taste different and smell funny.
Seriously, if my mind is playing tricks on me... it is doing a great job. 
Here is a little something to show you what is going on right now.

3-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
Two	The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
Three	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Four	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Five	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Six	Implantation continues
Seven	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Eight	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Nine	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Ten	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eleven	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

I'm seeing RED...

Getting to North Carolina wasn't an easy task. First, Joelie had dance class on Tuesday and there was no way I was going to miss that! So, plans were made to leave directly from class to the airport. With traffic, the GPS taking us the wrong direction, and a little over one hour to make it, we were lucky for me to get there in plenty of time to make it through security. 

As I rushed to my gate I noticed on the monitors that my flight was delayed. So I sat out in search of some healthy food (not an easy task) and a place to charge my phone (also not an easy task). After chowing down a veggie wrap I found a charging station at my gate. As soon as I sat down our flight was delayed again... and again. Luckily the people around me were good company and helped pass the time. 

I don't even remember what time we actually boarded the plane. As I was getting seated I noticed a lady with a young son looking for her seat. I was pretty sure she was sitting beside me and tried to help her. I quickly noticed she didn't speak English and that she had a letter tied to her neck (I could only make out that she flew in on Lufthansa). I checked her tickets and could see that her son was sitting next to me and she was across the isle. I checked with the pilot and made sure that it was okay for me to move to her seat so that she could sit with her son.
I ended up next to an older gentleman from Pennsylvania. He told me about moving from Paris to New York 30 years ago. We also talked about his recent visit to Austin and how strange the roads were (haha, I have been saying that exact thing about the roads in New Jersey). He asked me why do all of those people gather under the bridges when it get dark? Bats! He was shocked! All of this happened while we sat, waiting... on the runway.

We finally landed in North Carolina ten minutes before midnight. 

I got settled in my hotel room and set everything up for the following day. I made sure all my medications, food, and water were in reach from my bed.
Once again E left me a bag with snacks, fruit, water, and a very sweet letter. 

Early the next morning the fertility clinic called to move our appointment, for the third time. They also called E to let her know that 2 of the 3 embryos didn't make it and they were going to thaw 2 more.
We toured the city and Duke University before heading to the clinic. Once we got there we were taken back pretty quickly.
I changed into my gown and E changed into her scrubs. We met with the doctor who went over the transfer and the embryos. We ended up with two 10 cell and one 3 cell. This time our color was red.

It's strange how the same procedure can be so different with a different doctor. This time around I could feel a lot more. It was really uncomfortable and actually hurt a little bit.
We had asked the clinic about allowing us to stay in the room with me on the table at an angle for a few minutes after the procedure. They agreed, but one doctor sent E an email saying that recent medical articles showed that it didn't really help. Oh well. It wouldn't hurt.
E said a friend told her that laughing afterwards would also help. Thankfully our conversations were pretty funny! After 20 minutes of sharing laughs we got up. I emptied my very full bladder (gosh that hurts) and changed back into my clothes. We got our discharge papers and headed back to the hotel.

Once there, I grabbed a pillow and plopped down on top of it lifting my butt into the air. I stayed that way while I ate my pineapple (another one of those things we read about that might help). I stayed in bed for five hours before I got up. E brought over some dinner (she makes a great avocado salad) and kept me company for a few minutes. After she left it was back to bed.

I go home Friday afternoon and have to wait until July 24th for our first test. I have high hopes that all the "tricks" paid off and that at least one of these three little embryos are going to stick!! GO RED GO!