What Happens Now?

This isn't the easiest thing to put into words. I've thought about it for days. I've replayed the whole thing in my head more times than I can count. It's very emotional for me.

I think that I expected something more to happen once Hudson made her grand entrance. Instead, I felt nothing. There were no more contractions. There was no pain. I just felt...  normal.
Dr C grabbed the ultrasound wand and the look on her face spoke more to me than anything else. It was that look and the slight shaking of her head that sent my head spinning. She tried to push my stomach in hopes that Macy would move, but it didn't work. 
I remember trying to focus on Macy-Dean. I tried to feel where she was, what she was doing. Had she moved at all? I knew she wasn't head down. I knew she was still so high up, I could feel her. I knew this wasn't a good start. My mind was racing and for the first time in the history of my giving birth, I was scared to death.

We started out with Dr C reaching inside of me and trying to either pull Macy down, or turn her around, I couldn't really tell which one. I remember the pain. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It hurt but in a really uncomfortable way, not in a stabbing pain way. I know at some point the nurses started Pitocin to bring the contractions back. It didn't seem to take long for them to kick back in but I'm pretty sure that I had no concept of time during any of this.
During each contraction Dr C would reach inside of me and grab Macy while I pushed. I would feel the pressure like she was moving but the moment the contraction was over I could feel this almost suction-like-feeling grabbing Macy back up. With each push and each suction-like-feeling I grew more and more discouraged and so tired. When Midwife L came into the room her soft voice and soothing touch brought me back to the fight but in the middle of all of it I noticed something... the nurses comments had changed. They were no longer saying, "you can do this". 
I remember pausing and just trying to sit through the contractions. I didn't want to push anymore. I just wanted to rest and think about what was happening. I knew that B was right beside me, encouraging me... but was she the only one saying "those words"?  Had everyone else given up?
I wanted to keep fighting. I didn't want to give up and I'm pretty sure Dr C would have stood by my side and let me fight as long as I wanted to. At some point during everything she offered an epidural and to let me rest and try again later but the thought of coming back and being in the same exact position was too much for me to handle. She asked me if I wanted a c-section and all I could do was shake my head no. I didn't want one. I didn't want for B and C to have to pay more for a c-section. I didn't want to stay in the hospital for 3 days by myself. I didn't want to be cut open. No. I didn't want a c-section.
Dr C also asked me if I wanted to call Casey and talk to him about it. Oh my gosh, Casey! He had no idea what was going on. It had been a good 2-3 hours from the last time I talked to him. No! I didn't want to call him. I didn't want him to know how much pain I was in, or that I was about to give up. I didn't want to disappoint him.

Asking for a c-section was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was admitting defeat. It was admitting that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. It was losing control...

Should I Stay, or Go?

On February 22 around 4pm one of my friends sent me a message asking how I was feeling. This was my reply to her... "I'm feeling really good. Swelling hurts. I'm having contractions off and on and have a lot of butt and vagina pressure. 
I don't feel like labor is close."

By 8pm the contractions were coming in about 12 minutes apart. I had already taken a shower so I decided to go for a walk with my son to see if anything would change. No change. I ended up going to bed and just keeping track of the contractions. By 10pm they were 7 minutes apart. I called B to give her a heads up that I may be heading in to labor and delivery and called the doctors office to see what they thought I should do.

At 10:30pm we loaded up and headed to the hospital. When we got there we were met by the office midwife, L. I was checked (4cm's) and hooked up to monitors. The contractions got closer together, about 5 minutes apart.
L talked about letting me go home to labor on my own. Although it may seem odd to some people, it's one of the many things I love about the practice we found. They are very supportive of women being in control of their bodies.
Before making a decision about going home L checked to see if there were any changes. Yep! 5cm's! It was midnight and we were being admitted.

Casey went home to be with the kids and I was moved to a labor and delivery room. Contractions were steady all night but outside of going from 85% effaced to 100% effaced, my cervix stayed the same.
B and C drove straight through and ended up making it to the hospital a little after 5am. I got up and walked around a bit and the three of us ended up taking a little nap.

Dr C came in about 8am and broke my water. Still 5cm's and 100% effaced. I was excited to see that I could make progress without pitocin! The contractions were painful and I could tell they were doing their job. Around 9:30am we were at 7.5 cm's!

C was still sleeping through the fun but B was there keeping me company. I had my headphones on and tried listening to my music to keep my mind off the contractions. It worked until someone like Madonna or Alanis came on. :)

Around 10am Dr C came in and checked me again. I told her I felt like I needed to push but when she checked I was only 9cm's. She waited until I had a contraction and could feel that my cervix changed to 10 cm's when I pushed. So off to the operating room we went (standard practice when delivering twins).
B got her scrubs on and followed us to the OR. C waited back in the room. I was moved from my somewhat comfy bed to a itty bitty cot. I kept thinking what on earth am I going to hold on to when it comes time to push? There were no bars. Nothing. Thank goodness there were a handful of nurses in there to offer me hands to hold.

I started pushing a little after 10am. I pushed with all my might but Hudson wasn't budging. I could tell that with every push Dr C was having to help guide her, or move things... it's hard to explain. It was after a few pushes that Dr C asked if I wanted a catheter. I took it, hoping it would help. A few pushes later and Hudson was born, a tiny 6lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long and perfect!

I remember looking over at B and I could tell she had already fallen in love! It was the sweetest thing ever. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to have B in the room with me. She was so amazing and supportive the entire time. I can remember early conversations we would have about her "watching" and how weird it would be. None of that mattered. She was just so wonderful and I couldn't have done it without her.

Of course things didn't end here...

Active Labor!

Had our last office visit today just one day shy of 37 weeks and we are in stage 1, active labor! 4 cm's dilated and 80% effaced! How exciting!
We are still planning to induce Monday morning. I wonder if we will make it? I'm feeling great (outside of a head cold). I'm having contractions daily but nothing consistant. I noticed this weekend that the pain from the contractions feels different. I feel them more in my back and down my thighs vs all over my tummy. I'm sure that's just a sign of the pain to come. That's okay... BRING IT ON!

I'm so so so excited! I can't wait to see B and C with their girls! This has been such an amazing adventure and I'm so glad I was able to share it with such a wonderful couple!  Can't wait for Monday!

Happy 9 Months!!

Well we made it to 36 weeks with flying colors. The girls are happy, healthy, and cozy in there. I don't think I ever really had a doubt that we would make it this far. As a matter of fact, I have no doubt that we will make it to our induction date.
I'm so excited that we are in the final stretch and that B and C will soon have two beautiful little girls! I can't wait to see all the love and joy on their faces when they finally meet! (I need to remember to take my camera to get some pictures of the new family).

I'm looking forward to getting my body back. The swelling and discomfort have been really really hard on me. I can't even bend my toes, feet, or legs without it hurting and my hands are always throbbing. You know what else I'm looking forward to? Sleeping on my stomach! I miss it... wait... I miss it and sleeping in general!
In the last few weeks I started getting fluid build up under my belly button. It's the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever have. I'm not even sure how to describe the pain. I can't apply pressure to my lower stomach, so no low pants. I can't sit where my stomach touches anything, or it's self because it stings. Just a really odd pain to have and a really odd location.

I'm excited for the final 13 days of our journey. I'm happy to have been a part of something so amazing, no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. <3

35 Week Appointment

This weekend I noticed that there was a mushy bulge under my belly button. That part of my stomach isn't hard and droops down quit a bit. It's sort of hard to explain. It's not something I ever experienced with my previous pregnancies. It feels bruised when I touch it and it's uncomfortable. I started freaking myself out thinking it was the placenta and started worrying that it wasn't normal. I asked about it this morning at our appointment and Dr C said it was a build up of fluid just like in my legs and feet. It's so nasty!

B was able to come down to meet Dr C and see her girls! I was so thrilled listening to her chit chat with Dr C. They both seemed really comfortable with one another. I really like Dr C and I adore B so it was nice seeing them so relaxed with one another!!
Dr C went over breech delivery with B. I'm pretty sure she was able to put her mind at ease... I hope! They even discussed haircare products for curly hair! :)

We left our first appointment and went to Torchys Tacos for breakfast. If you are ever in Austin, you have to go there! Amazing!
We ate our breakfast burritos, and chips with queso and guacamole. It was actually really nice just chit chatting and getting to know one another better. I really like B!

We went back to the doctor at 11 to have our sonogram. The set up wasn't as "high tech" as the old Dr C's but I don't think either of us minded.
I knew before going into the scan that Macy-Dean wasn't  in the same position that she was in due to her movements. I had really hoped she was head down, but she wasn't. Boo! She did migrate a little to the left. Her head is right under Hudson's butt, under my left ribs. Her body wraps straight down my body with her bottom right next to Hudson's head. She measured in at 5lbs 14oz. Hudson is still in the same position, chilling on my cervix behind all that cushiony fluid. Her body wraps up my left side with her bottom under my ribs and her knees tucked into her chest. She measured in at 5lbs 7oz. 
I'm hoping with the postions the way they are now that once Hudson is born Macy-Dean will just flip right around and come out head first too! We shall see!

Induction is in the books. February 27 at 8am. 20 more days!

34 Week Appointment

I had our second appointment with Dr C on Tuesday. I must admit I was a little nervous about going. The first visit went great and all but I can't help but to worry constantly that something else will go wrong. Dr C (old) really messed things up for me.

The wait wasn't long. The staff was still amazing. They were still trying to get my records transfered and it sounded like quite the battle listening to K talk to Dr C's office on the phone. 


We did the standard urine test, weight check, and listened to the heartbeats. Dr C gave me some exercises to do to keep the swelling in my hands down. We talked about PICA and taking Iron. She drew blood to check my iron levels and told me to start taking Magnesium with the Iron to help even things out. We also did the strep test.

I asked her about the girls positions wondering if she told tell by feeling where they were at. She told me that she could feel a head on my cervix and that we would see where the heartbeats are. She started with Hudson and said, if she's still head down her heart will pick up right here... and it did! She went to Macy-Dean and said and hers would be right here... and sure enough it was.

I had a feeling that she flipped last week but I didn't want to say anything out loud! :) Now I can't wait until next Tuesdays appointment so we can see exactly what is going on in there. Plus B and C will be here! So excited!!

Dr C told me she still didn't believe that we would make it until 38 weeks so she didn't put us down in the books at the hospital. I told her I really didn't think they would come early so she might want to get us scheduled. So... as of now we are due to be induced on Feb 27th. 25 more days to go!

33 Weeks Today!

I met with (a new) Dr C and her midwife assistant L yesterday morning. After everything that happened recently I wasn't sure what to expect but I was prepared with all my questions and ready to hear what they had to say.

I met with L first. She was exactly how I expected her to be, crunchy. She was very friendly and shared stories of successful twin vaginal deliveries with me. She has worked as a midwife for 20 years and spent a lot of time practicing overseas.

Dr C came in a few minutes later. I was shocked when I first saw her, she looked so young. I'm guessing she's actually around my age. She worked with another practice and just recently branched off to her own practice. I'm pretty sure they have less than 10 people working there.
Anyway... she was amazing. We talked about baby positions and what she would do for each scenario. She also shared stories of successful vaginal deliveries with me. She wasn't concerned about Macy-Dean being a few ounces bigger and even said the rule is... they have to be smaller than my largest baby. That leaves us a lot of room for growth!

She told me she wouldn't make me have an epidural but she suggested I get one anyway. The meeting lasted about 1 hour and I left there feeling confident and excited.

My first appointment is next Tuesday. The following Tuesday B and C are coming down to meet the new doctor and I'm hoping she will put B's mind at ease regarding a breech delivery.

Oh and induction still stands. February 28th, 5 more weeks!