Monday, May 23, 2011

What Took You So Long?

I put my profile on Fertility Bridges shortly after Joelie was born in February 2009. I knew that it would be a while before I could actually carry a baby for someone else, but I wanted to get my information out there just in case.
I kept up with my profile, updated it often with information about our family and added pictures. It wasn't until early 2011 that I started to get inquiries. 

The first one was another fertility company that was looking for people to join their network. I don't recall the name of the group but I remember thinking the lady seemed shady. I simply told her I wasn't interested and moved on. 
The second inquiry came directly from a couple on Fertility Bridges. The director called to ask me some questions before setting up a phone conference with the intended parents. She told me that this couple was adamant about a few things which included terminating the pregnancy if something ended up wrong with the baby, including having Downs, and selective reduction because they only wanted one baby. I had to say no. While I do understand that these couples are dishing out a lot of money to have a "perfect" baby... there are just some things I'm not okay with doing. 


After that phone call I started to doubt that this was something I could really do. I thought about pulling my profile off the website and just forgetting all about it. Before I could... I got another phone call from the director and this time she had a couple that wanted to set up and conference call with me later that night. I agreed. I thought about everything that was important to me and prepared myself to ask a bunch of questions.
I got caught up doing dishes and forgot all about the phone call when the director called me to make sure I was still coming. I locked myself in the room, dialed the conference number and introduced myself to C and B. I asked them all the questions I had written down...
Would you terminate if your child had Downs or some other defect? No.
Would you reduce the amount of fetuses if there were more than one? No, unless it posed a health risk to you.
How many will your transfer at once? 2 at the most but most likely 1. 

I answered a bunch of questions for them and by the end of the call they were ready to get started! The next day contracts were started, phone numbers were exchanged and we were ready for lift off!

And This Is How It All Started...

When I got pregnant with my first baby back in 1997 I learned all I needed to know from the book, What to Expect When Your'e Expecting. I used the same book when I got pregnant again in 1999. When I found out I was pregnant with my third son in 2003 I learned that WTE was online and offered messages boards for groups of women expecting during the same month. I joined but didn't participate much until we were pregnant with our last baby in 2008.
I ended up a member of Born in February 2009 while pregnant with my daughter, Joelie. I didn't expect much but for some reason I was drawn to the 200+ women in that group. It was during the 9 months as a member to this group that I learned what came so easily to me (5 times over) didn't come easily to others. I read stories about IVF and watched as women struggled to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. I was there through heartaches and devastation as women miscarried or gave birth to stillborns. I shared in joyous occasions as premature babies defeated odds and were able to go home and I was there for all the birth stories of strangers that became lasting friends. My eyes and heart were opened to things I never took the time to see before. 

With all of this came a bit of guilt. Here I am... with five kids while there are women out there that are struggling to have just one baby. It's hard to understand why things like this happen and the answer was for me to do whatever I could do to help.
So after Joelie was born I researched being a surrogate and signed up for an online fertility group in hopes that I would be picked to help someone become a mom.